SnL World…Happy Bday

 

Dear Reader

Its been two years since I stared to blog. This very same day my friend whom I used to call as “chick” created this blog and said “babes, this is your world, your space, write whatever you want”.  I started then and never stopped.

I am very grateful to my readers who always tell me how much they love reading my blog. When I started to write many said “you need polish”,” this is silly”, “this is..”….I used to feel low  but I never stopped writing because when people used to say whatever they felt I used to tell in my mind “tell whatever you want, I am never gonna stop writing you A** hole”(it was my fav word those days). And I never did. I listened to my heart and followed my thoughts. That’s what I tell my friends “follow your heart because it knows what you want”

Let me cut the crap. On this occasion when my blog is celebrating its 2^nd bday I want to thank few people.

First my buddy jesus(very spiritual cant miss thus dude), then to my dad and mom who doesn’t even have a clue that I have a blog and I write all about them. My dad “old tiger” might get heart attack if he comes to know what I call him behind his back. My sis, bro-in-law, my bro(who never reads my blog), sis-in-law, my niece, nephew, Dsouza-Bros, Lobo cousins. This is where my “family-Thank you”  ends

Let me recall few of my regular readers who read my blog without fail. Loly, PU, Chinna, Shruthi, Shenoy, Shetty, Anil, Bangera, Mohith,Sukesh(wonder he ever reads it!!), Megha, Sushma, Savitha, Ranjitha,Shubha, Naseeba, Gavurav(he has the ability to be a good writer), Shilpa, DBC,Hari, KJ,Vinay, Vivek, Zeena flavy(first one to like my post), Patrik(he never misses my post), Patrao(Tells me to focus on writing style), Naveen, Pratheeksha, Vandy, Sunga, Amit, Poornima, Harsha, Chand I cant dare to miss this person “Roopitha” she always tells me how much she loves reading my blog and one more lady named “Preethi…”’s blog. I do envy when I hear the second nameJ but somehow I mange .If I missed anyone’s name I am sorry but  “thank you” please don’t stop reading my blog

 

Thank you all for being part of my blog. Hopefully I write some new logical, sensless, funny stuff soon and bring out smile on your face.

 

Happy bday SNL World

Love

SNL

 

 

 

 

I just ADMIRE them

As a dog lover I cant control myself from admiring dogs. They can be stray or high breed. I just love al them all. especially dogs with mischievous spark in their eyes. Other day I found “Jack”, With his dirty green collar belt and short legs he looked like a stud to me.  With his tough look I felt “Jack” suits him very well. Since then I started to call him jack. I don’t know his original name or owner. He is expert in crossing road. Have seen him many times crossing traffic filled busy road. You can find him near Big Bazar, opposite central, JP Nagar, Bangalore.

                                                                                                                                                         JACK

I never got a chance to click “Gaggy’s” pic. He is another stray dog. With his long dirty, knotted fur even though he looks dirty I just like him as he is. If I ever get a chance I will give him a sexy bath till he gets his original color back. You can find him near Mega Mart, Ragigudda, Bangalore.

There’s another black old dog with faded green collar belt. He is around 12. The way he crosses the road I am sure he is born and brought up in Bangalore. I used to carry biscuits to feed him. Once I had walked for 10 minutes only to feed that dog. O don’t know why I never named the dog. It was 2012 July when I last saw him near Hudson circle, Richmond circle, Bangalore

                                                                                                                            Old green collar belt dog

As I started to go to the new office I observed this new white dog. With lal tikka on his forehead, red collar belt around his neck he looks adorable. One look at his back and it was clear that dog is suffering from skin disease. As I started to walk the dog walked towards a florist and sat next to her feet. Whenever he used to get up from his place she used to yell in Kannada “come back”. I was curious to know about the dog. One day when I came out of the office I determined to know the whole story behind the dog. As I crossed that florist shop I found the dog sitting on its place but its owner was missing. I crossed the road and waited for the bus. As I stood there in cow dung filled bus stop I saw the florist getting down from the bus and walking towards her shop. As she crossed the road the dog came running towards her. She touched dogs head and said “come”. I stood there on the other side of the road watching their love. I looked at the road and the dog, confused whether to talk to the florist. I just smiled and crossed the road. As I approached the florist I said “you got adorable dog”. She smiled and said “yes, she is 11 years old”. I realized then chance of she chasing me are very less. So I stood on my grounds and continued the conversation. I asked her “you stay nearby?”. She said “no, have to walk for 15 minutes”. Then I asked her “you come by walk?”. She said “yes, we come by walk. She looked at the dog and continued ”She cant stay at home without us, so she comes with us”. I said “We?”. She pointed out at her husband near tender coconut shop and said “me and my husband”. Then she touched her dogs head and dog wagged its tail . I said “she got allergy, you didn’t show her to the doctor?”. She said “we took her to the doctor and he gave some soap and ointment. She gave birth to puppies, after that she got this allergy.” I pointed out at dogs tika and said “every day you put tikka to her forehead?”. She said “yes, she is family member and every day I pray for her safety”. I loved the florist; I knew by then that how wonderful person she is. Then finally I asked her “what’s her name?”. She said “Sony” and smiled. I couldn’t resist myself from asking “if you don’t mind can I take a pic?”. She smiled and said “No problem”. Then she showed her 32 teeth and held Sony’s face towards the camera. With florist holding Sonys chin with love I said to myself “it couldn’t have been better”. Finally as gratitude I said “give me a rose”. As she wrapped the rose in newspaper I said “you are lucky, you got a nice dog”. All she did was smile and I knew it what that smile meant. You can find the duo neat netkallappa circle, Banglore

                                                                                                                                                Sony with her mommy

law-IN-Monster

 

 

 

 

Saima: Shes a hard working woman. I am always fascinated to read her formal mails. The words she uses makes go crazy. whenever i have to write a formal mail i ask her help.

She loves to play those games in FB. Criminal case is her favorite. May be in her previous birth she was a spy

SnL tip: Have faith and one day she will see her daughter in you. all the very best

 

 

 

 

Please huh..Huh..Please…(heart throbs)Please don’t eat me monster. God save me, Protect me Almighty…

You might be thinking who that monster is?

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Phew………..Well, that’s my mom-in-law.

My name is Saima(name changed for obvious reasons) married to an engineer working for a well known MNC and we are a happy married couple. Not to forget the old furnitures (meaning mom-in-law and dad-in-law) staying with us.

I was overwhelmed when she told me that I am like her daughter. Since she has no daughters(has 2 sons) I trusted her. I thought that I can see my mother in her. Ofcourse,I cannot expect the same love and affection I received from my mom, nonetheless I was hoping that at least we could be good friends. Forget about being  friends  but we are good enemies at the present situation!!!

Let me tell you my Day-to-day activities.I wake up at 5.30 sorry 5.45 sorry 5.50 (Actually my hubby wakes me up) and we get ready.He goes for a morning walk and I goto gym.He will be back by 7. I reach home by 7.30 only to see that the bathroom is occupied by my mom-in-law. I then wait for the bathroom to be vacant and finally take bath and get ready to office.Now starts the tug of war between the 2 ladies when I enter the kitchen. She says that I am lazy and I need to wake up early so that I can perform more household work.(Balls to you kane).Sometimes we have clashes regarding this also and we are down with a cold war for a day or two.It is then my hubby intervenes and clears the differences between us. Then she starts drilling me with her 1945 old stories which annoys me but somehow I pretend to listen.Then she expects me to assist her in preparing the breakfast which I actually do and then realize that it is already 8.30 and I have missed the only direct bus that goes till my office. Shit man,what the hell,WTF etc etc I blabber it to myself(as if I have guts to tell it to that female in the kitchen. )Whatever, I then prepare tea for myself and my hubby, find a place to sit and sip the tea. But then I would be damn exhausted. Finally I start to office.

I wait for an empty bus so that I don’t have to stand.But to me bad luck,I only see crowded buses.I get into some bus which will drop me to majestic. From there an other bus and finally at office by 10.45.

Later back home by 7.30 p.m. Loser(I am scolding mom-in-law) is watching sankara TV( a channel which telecasts all hindu temples all over India) with the remote in her hand. For god sake woman don’t you find any other channels!!!!!She serves the dinner to us at around 8.30p.m and scolds me if I don’t eat more rice and I have to eat whether I like it or not. She then goes to the hall while we are still hogging, keeps changing the channels as per her whims and fancies. This goes on till 10 p.m.I have to sit like a dumbo and watch those shit programs or else shut my ass and goto the room and sit with the laptop.I sit with the laptop,play criminal case and then start irritating my hubby who is seriously working. He is such a cool and a loving partner who even though gets angry doesn’t show it on me. (Love u darling ). I force myself to be awake till 10.30 and pester my hubby to shut down his laptop and sleep.He does the same and finally we switch off the lights and try to sleep.I don’t understand why the alarm is in such a hurry to start barking.Grrrr…Its 5.30 in the morning.

My routine life starts again.Hmmm….

GOD PLEASE GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

Well,this is it with my story.Let me also tell you the rules and regulations I need to follow there.

• Wake up as early as possible even on weekends not to forget that it is in-lawss’ house.(Not your mom’s place or a PG that you wake up at your own timings)
• Make sure you have bathed before you enter the kitchen.
• Prepare breakfast for yourself and husband
• Wash utensils when the maid is on leave.
• Don’t dare to touch the TV remote(Remember your job is to only perform household work.That is the expectation of my mom-in-law from me)

WEEKEND RULE:

• First 2 rules are common.
• Prepare breakfast for everyone and then prepare tea as well.
• Soon after having tea,start cutting the vegetables and get ready to cook for lunch.
• Again,wash utensils since maid will wash only few vessels.
• Put your clothes into the washing machine and later spread it out on the terrace for drying.
• Prepare tea for all in the evening.
• Don’t ever say that you want to visit your parents.

Now I am a free bird. Can do whatever I want except watching TV because it’s my mom-in-law’s property. Afterall she will be bored yaar,She needs entertainment.

With all these, mother-in-law is not satisfied. You are not doing any household work.!!!

Guys, hope you have now understood why I call her “MONSTER IN LAW”.

I am sure every mother-in-law would be strict and try to control her daughter-in-law so that she gets accustomed to their family. But please don’t take away her freedom,give her some space and time to get adjusted.Dont expect your likes and dislikes to be her likes and dislikes. Don’t forget that she has left back her family for you.Don’t lose the respect and trust she has it for you.

She isn’t my enemy but that generation gap really sucks. Things might change over a period of time as we get to know each other better. I am hoping to see the real mother in her…………………JUST HOPE!!!!

old COW

 

Gone are the days when guys used to get marry at the age of 29. As soon as they turn into man yeah we are talking about weird voice change and moustache guys start exploring the multiple options and finally they pick a gal of their choice. On the other hand even gals follow the same trends but with quiet different version. They pick a stud as their boyfriend and as soon as they complete their college they marry a guy of their parent’s choice. Whatever the scenario is gals and guys get marry in their raw age. To make babies? to use their license of sex? or are they madly in love? I don’t know.

If you are 25+, female and still single then you are called old cow. First let me tell me the logic behind the old cow. In village if you want to sell the cow you spread the news saying “selling cow, let me know if there are any buyers” and you give the detail information. Its breed, how much milk it gives, how many calves it gave birth to(this stuff as nothing to do with cow logic). Then the important thing comes age. Cows of 2 to 4 years are great in demand if your cow falls in this 7+ years category then not a single buyer give a damn to the cow. But if its OX, at least for breeding sake buyers but it. Same thing applies in human society. If you own a womb, and in late twenties and single ready to mingle then you are the same old cow who is waiting with patience for the new owner no matter what.

Being single is not a curse its just that you didn’t meet the right person who completes you. You decided to stay single rather than marrying some lunatic idiot for your parents sake. I know its pretty hard specially in this generation. According to society if you are a old cow then they conclude the whole story this way “maybe she have boyfriend from different religion, maybe she have some disease, may be she cant have babies, maybe she is lesbian, or may be …..”All you have to say is F*** Off you losers I am SELF RESPECTED, INDEPENDENT, SOPHISTICATED woman who knows what’s good for her.

Marriage is holy bond in which man and woman becomes one. This part always confuses me “…they become one…wait a second are they talking about sex? May be”. But I feel when they say become one what they meant was two body one soul, share and live to be specific share your FB password, share your bank password, share a pillow …. SHARE, CARE, LOVE, RESPECT, UNDERSTAND in happiness and disease. If you are marrying for your parents happiness or to shut your society’s mouth or you fear that nobody going to marry the old cow then you are doing a mistake. Wait for a while and search, you see there are lakhs of guys just waiting, waiting and waiting. I have read it somewhere if you search with whole heart you can even find the god.

I am old cow even though I don’t look one. Sometimes even I forget that but thanks to the people around me for reminding me. But still I am young with spirit and soul. I still have to grow up. Its my life, my rule I don’t want to stop living and laughing for others sake.

BALTO

For more than a year I watched the dog every morning when his mistress took him for his morning walks. With the extra fat it was clear he was more than 7 years.  As a dog lover i couldn’t stop watching his walks, morning play with other street dog. When I saw the ladies affection towards the street dog I knew it she is a pet lover. When you are walking your Labrador you never even bother to see the street dog. But unlike other she used to talk to the dog and cuddle him. I liked her even though I didn’t know her. As I was standing on other side of the road I never got to talk to her or either of the dogs. Nonetheless I liked both the dogs. The street dog was very friendly. Whenever it saw people it wagged its tail for human affection.

This whole thing I used to stand and watch when I waited for my office cab. I was so much interested to watch them if they miss one day I used to wonder what has happened to the dog. Few days back I saw the lady but this time without her Labrador. As usual she came for a walk till temple entrance gate and stood there a for minute, prayed and went. On her way back she met this street dog. She patted on its head and spoke to him. I was sure something must have happened to her dog.

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Due to some training I had to go to my office in other place near to my pg. As I waited with patience BMTC never even showed its face. It was then speeding bus came and I pushed even one and jumped on a window seat. When you travel in BMTC bus all you say is “chuck the etiquettes”. I checked my bags zip when a lady came and sat next to me. When I saw the lady she looked familiar. Yeah she was the same lady who used to walk her dog every morning. I opened my mouth to ask her then kept quiet thinking what if she will ask me 10 questions for my only one question. Again I opened my mouth and kept quiet. I know I wanted to have answer for my question. When I couldn’t take it anymore I started the conversation in Kannada “Excuse me mam, you used to walk your dog right, what happened to him? I didn’t see him from many days”. She smiled and said “he passed away”. She smiled and said “food poisoning, couldn’t do anything”. She smiled and said “you are from Mangalore”. I just nodded my head. When I speak in typical Mangalore Kannada even the rickshaw driver says “how well you speak, you are definitely from Mangalore”. So when she said that I just smiled. Then she continued “he was 8 years. I still miss him but what to do we don’t have control over death”. Then I said “the street dog is really nice right?”. So she said “yes, ther day when I was walking my dog it collapsed. I don’t know from where this street dog came and start to nibble my dog’s ears. Then it started crying”. My eyes filled with tears. Then I said “then what you did? I am sure you didn’t carry him”. She said “then my husband bought the car and we took him to the doctor. But doctor said his heart beat has already stopped”. She smiled and continued “my husband still not over his death. He had fever for one week”. She paused for a while and continued” He was 42 days puppy when we bought him. He wanted everything we ate”. I said “I know, its pretty hard when dog dies. So you are not planning to get a new dog?” She said “I told my husband but he is still not over him. Every person has their own way of getting over grief. I thought if new dog comes I can see my Balto in him”. I smiled and said “Balto, it’s a good name”. As her stop came she got down from the bus. But before getting down she gave me a broad smile and said bye.

I sat in my seat thinking about the dead dog, its grieving family members and the street dog. I know if they get new dog it can never replace Balto. You see all have their own identity. When my stop came I got down from my bus feeling sad over Balto’s death

One ‘V’ day when i wrote…

Guy:

 Today is lovers day,

 time spent on different bay,

 rainy June to sunny may,

 dont hesitate when u want to say,

 silly jokes makes me piss,

 how i love your sensational kiss,

 cant love u more or less,

 without u i am ugly mess,

 pretty like white dove,

 your crazy each n every move,

 makes me fall again in love,

 u r my queen i always bow,

 

Gal:

 well built, so handsome,

 with me is a wholesome,

 your touch makes me numb,

 sometimes u are a psycho bum,

 i try hard to make u laugh,

 hold my breath when u cough,

 hate your priky beard rough,

 love when your act weird n tough,

 well built like a Greek god,

 love to touch u r spinal cord,

 hide u r emotional like a iron rod,

 love you my baby in bulk n in load,

 

I Will Wait Till The End…..Chapter 16

As soon as Jenny got down from the helicopter she started to walk towards the exit gate.  All she wanted was a good bath and sleep. She kept her hand in front of her mouth when it automatically opened in oval shape.  She shook her head and tried to focus on the people who were waiting for the soldiers. When she recognized Mr . Lewis automatically she walked towards him and he hugged her. Before she could regain herself Mrs Lewis hugged and burst into tears. Jenny hugged the old woman and tried to console her. Its was then Jenny’s eyes fell on impatient RJ. She patted his head and cuddled him. He started to lick her face. By his action it was clear how much he missed her.

Approaching footsteps in her direction and the goose bumps on the neck made it clear who was the person. RJ looked at Keagn and jumped on him. She was shocked to see RJ’s behavior. Mr Lewis said “he is just socializing, that’s what he does now most of the time”. It was then Kegan stretched his arm towards Mr Lewis and said “She is a brave woman, you must be proud of her”. He pointed out at his bandaged arm and said “if I am alive today then its because of her”. Saying that he gave a smile to Jenny and for minute she stopped breathing. Jenny still could not understand why he had so much effect on her. She looked at him and she was fascinated to see his Adams apple. She felt it was bigger than the usual. She giggled thinking it would be size of cricket ball it’s then all looked in her direction. She excused herself and went for a walk with RJ.

When finally her head hit the pillow she was dead tired. She was there when Kegan had fallen unconscious. She was not ready to leave him in that condition. She had gone to hospital with him. She had looked at him when he was sleeping. The more she looked at him the more she was attracted. Jenny pushed her bed cover aside and sat. She asked herself “what is happening to me?when he held me i fought him without interest, when he kissed me I couldn’t stop myself from responding…whats wrong?”. Its then her inner voice said   “may be you are falling in love with him..”. she was stunned  for a moment. She said to herself “this cant be happening, I still love Ron, I cant cheat him” Her eyes fell on Ron’s smiling pic and her eyes filled with tears. She held the pic to her heart and said “I don’t know what has happened to me Ron, I know what I am feeling for Kegan is wrong because I am yours, I belong to you and only you”.  It was pretty late night when finally she fell asleep.

It was 5 Am when Jenny got up in the morning.  She freshened up and went for jogging with RJ. Automatically her legs took her in the botanical gardens direction to which she had gone with Ron. She wanted to be alone and think. Even though it was far her mind filled with Ron’s thought she didn’t realized the distance. She looked at the park and patted Rj’s head. She said “I love this place you know, its so beautiful”. It was  so colorful with blooming flowers. She started to walk and RJ started to chase the butterflies. She looked at RJ and she remembered Dexter. They are almost alike she thought. She started to search the place where she had sat with Ron. When she approached the place she was shocked to find Kegan there. His eyes were focused on Jenny’s face.  Kegan smiled and said “looks like we keep on bumping into each other” .She said “what are you doing here Kegan?”. Kegan looked at RJ and said “what do you think people do in park? You got a lovely dog” and he whistled for RJ. Rj jumped on his arms and licked his face. Jenny was shocked to see RJ behaving like this. Kegan laughed and said “like his mistress even he likes me. Jenny ignored his remark and said “don’t play those cheap games with me Kegan. Tell me what are you doing in Delhi, I have never seen you before.” Kegan stood from his sitting place and said “I took a transfer  because …you know the reason”. When Jenny realized he was towering on her she took few steps back and said “go back where you belong, this is not your place”. Kegan walked towards her and said “I know where is my place”. He pointed out at her heart and said “and I love my place”. Jenny lost her calm and slapped him across his face and said “no you are not there, Ron is there and always he will be.  It takes more than damn fucking charm to enter a women’s heart.  And keep the distance with me Kegan”. He stood there watching her. Then he said “which part  is scaring you my jenny I entering your heart or Ron disappearing?” Jenny’s eyes filled with tears. She yelled at him “I am not your Jenny, I am Ron’s”. Kegan held her hand and said “why you waste your tears on your dead husband? i am sure even he wouldn’t have liked it”. Jenny pulled her hand and Kegan did not let it go. It was then Jenny saw Mr Lewis standing and watching them. Kegan followed her eye direction and started to walk towards Mr Lewis  pulling Jenny along with him. Calmly he said “good morning Mr Lewis. I don’t want to give a justification to my action which I am not ashamed of. I am sure it is clear that I like your daughter-in-law and it would be great honor to be a part of your family. Mr Lewis was bit taken as Kegan spoke. Kegan said “I talk to the point sir, I am sorry if I sounded harsh”. Jenny started to pull her arm while Mt Lewis scanned Kegan. He smiled looking at furious Jenny. He thought he would love to spend his rest of his life standing there watching her. With her puffed eyes and tear strained cheek she looked very cute he thought. He wanted to touch her black shiny hair which was scattered over her face. With MR Lewis staring at him slowly he let go Jenny’s arm.

“Good to see you Jenny”, when Gen Sachin Sharma’s voice hit Jenny she came to reality. She said “its good to see you too sir”. He stood in front of them. He said “you are not well Jenny? you look pale?”. Kegan said “good morning sir, I am Kegan”. Gen Sharma scanned Kegan for a minute and said “you seems to be new to this place. What’s with your arm?”. Kegan smiled and said “small accident sir”. When Gen Sharma left Mr Lewis said “Kegan come over lunch will have a talk”. Jenny didn’t expect her father-in-law say that. Angry with herself Jenny started to walk and RJ followed his dear mistress. Mr Lewis stood there and watched her daughter-in-law walk. He knew it sooner or later he have to decide.