Hello FL, Whats up how you doing?”

I am doing good, you know how old you will be this year?”

I had forgotten but thank you mom for reminding me. You guys never let me sleep in peace”

Me and your dad are getting old, its out last wish to see you get…”

Come on, give me a break don’t start your emotional blackmail”

In olden days women of your age used be mother of 3 to 4 kids”

Oh really, I would have happily made you grandmother of 3 kids by now if you would have taught me the lesson of “go find your love along with degree” instead of telling “no love no boy friend, concentrate only studies”. This was bound to happen. You and your husband blew the trumpet so loud I didn’t feel like disappointing you guys.

Dont talk as if you listen to us every time”

I did, In college time. But dont you think its time I stop listening to your outdated logi..”

I just wonder how you can talk to your mother like this”

Come on FL dont start again”

I am sure no one will call their mother by their name”

So what FL,I do. You have such beautiful name and nobody calls you by name, such a waste. You should be happy that at least someone close to you calls by your name no matter when and where”

I just wonder why you don’t call your father by his name”

Are you kidding me? I don’t want to stamp old tigers old tail. If he gets pissed off then he might call me back home to help him out in the field like a farmer or get me married to some random guy, I dont want to take risk right now.

Thank god at least you fear him

I don’t fear FL, I respect him. I don’t want to strain him his old age”

So did you meet someone?”

I meet many people FL, auto driver, security guard, tender coconut vendor,….”

I am not talking about other men, I am talking about someone special”

What’s with you people? Cant you see me happy for a while?”

Too much of freedom not good, remember the guy should be Catholic?

In this generation finding guy is so difficult you should be happy if he is a guy. “

See this is what happens if you give freedom to kids, they start their new philosophical talk”

Hey it doesn’t mean I don’t like guys, it’s just that their requirements are quiet high, some

don’t like my blog, some don’t like my glassed eyes, my crazy thoughts ….their high requirements. I liked this guy who had tiny tiny teeth and small button like eyes, I fell for his views and that bum vanished in no time, can you beat that.

Was he a catholic?”

FL!!!!!Weren’t you listening when I was telling? He is gone the way he came, by walk. Tell me how’s your husband doing?”

Are you ashamed to call him your father?”

hahaha hell na FL. I am proud of him. Any other father would have forcible married off his daughter under the pressure of society but not him. He respects my choice and I like him for that. I am sure tomorrow If I bring some bagiwala home with me, he would be over the moon saying “Finally she brought a guy home”.

But remember, Bhajiwala should be catholic”

gurrr”

You know how old you will be this year?”

Thank you for the reminder FL. Thank you very much”

*********************************

Hello maushi, hows you?”

Heelllo, how are you?”

I am good maushi, hows your knees ?”

they are good, they let me walk in this old age. You tell me any good news?”

Hmmm not any which I know…”

you know how old you will be this year? Don’t you have boy friend?dont you have anyone in office?I am sure there will be plenty of guys?”

I think before answering my aunt. Yes there are plenty of guys in my office , few burp loudly in their bay , few smell cigarette more than their fart, few yaps in their native language and rest are fit to be my grandfather. If I have to select anyone from this array then I choose to take the oath of celibacy.

Hmmm, hmmmmm. I don’t know maushi, there might enough of them to create chaos

Cant you search one among them..?”

I sing the song then “Khushi zatha sangonk atha bori khobar…. ”(konkani song)

That means you found someone..”.

Na Maushi, haven’t found anyone. I heard god creates things in pairs may be he forgot to create a pair for me……”

You should search…….what happened to the proposal that Anna teacher got?. Have you seen him in what they call Face Book?”

I dig my database thinking who is Anna teacher when I cant locate her in my mind I just scratch my head

“….tell me, did you see him”

Ok maushi, I have to go, take care. Praise the Lord”

***********************

Hey SnL, how are you go?”

Hey sis, I am doing good, how are you? How is your husband doing?”

He is doing good. Listen, are you planning to getting married this year? You see we are planning for vacation, so thought will……”

Are you crazy?..”

don’t even think of getting married in December or April, my school kids got exam. Consider other months..”

..”

Wait, if you could plan for July or August it will be fantastic”

hmmm”

Till mid-August is fine, not after that”

Get lost psycho, don’t call me, don’t ever call me”

Remember what I told you. Gold rates are down, if you get married right away may we could buy some fancy necklace”

Buy me golden underpants!!!!die, don’t ever ever call me, if you do, I am going to sue you”

*****************************

Hey Jirgi mirsang(Spicy chilly), how you doing?”

Hey Rony mama, I am fine how are you”

I am good go, when you are getting married..”

why mama, are you planning to gift me thick gold chain?”

You want one? Sure, anything for you”

Rony mama calls me after few months

Hey Jirgi Mirsang, thick gold chain is ready, when you getting married?”

Rony mama, keep one butt chain also ready, thick and heavy”

ok, ok, anything for you, but when you are getting married?”

Heelo, hello, Rony mama, can you hear me?hello?”

*********************

“Hello, how you SnL?”

“I am good, hows you re?”

“I am good too, tell me when are you getting married?”

I go blank

“I am tired of answering the society; all they want to know is when my youngest sister who is old now is getting married”

“ohhhhhh”

“Don’t ohh me, tell me when are you getting married?. I am ready to spend my fortune on your marriage…..”

Really!!! What about spending some fortune now?…”

Listen to me, get married soon. ……”

“………”

**************

“Tell me SnL, why are you not getting married?”

I go bonkers when I see my 4 years old niece questioning me.

“You see SnL, I want to be your flower gal, I want to wear nice dress and dance. Tell me when is your wedding”

I use my privilege of being her aunt and kick her butt and yell “get lost you country chimp, the least thing I want is get questioned by you “

*************

There was a time in my life I used to get very angry when people asked me about my marriage. Now I have learned the knack to answer them calmly. All I have to do is take deep breath and say “soon, very soon”. “That means you found a guy”, saying they gave me a wicked smile. “do not worry, you will be invited, you just be ready with your present”. When they raise their eye brows I give one of my best smile.

“You cant have children after 30, medical complications”, “you will get wrinkles, you will run out of options, settle down for whoever comes in your path” REALLY!!, “Is your boy friend non-catholic, is that reason you delaying your wedding?”, “some of them are getting married for second time, cant you get married for at least once?”…..Questions similar to these are showered on me all time.

“There is this rich guy who is looking for girl, unfortunately he couldn’t find suitable match, just give a try”; “The guy is from your locality, very understanding, traveling wont be problem give a try”, “the guy built a new two floor house back in Mangalore, Guy is soft spoken and god fearing”. I am not an option in multiple question , I want to scream them. What stupid reasons for match making. I want to tell them, unless you stay with a person you cant really tell how good the person is. So kindly don’t judge the person merely based on his status, richness, talking abilities and family history. It’s the character you have to live with not the crystal, ruby, sapphire or his 2 floor house.

Nobody gives two fucks about one is happy after marriage or not, but they want to see every single person aged in 20 series get married and settled down not caring flood or famine. Is it because they lost their single-freedom so early they cant see anyone without that ring on the finger or responsibilities of husband and kids on their shoulder I wonder.

You can never make society happy. Respect society, but don’t try to live your life pleasing it, because you cant.

I am single because I haven’t met anyone who is genuine person. Men I liked are long lost in the race of marriage, I never met their standards. Being myself didn’t help so I tried to change. Changes are good if they help you, but bad if they make you different person. I adapted the new changes and showed my ass to the bad one that’s the reason I still walk road of life alone. I am still unattached with strings because I chose to, not because I have some deformity. Next time when you meet me ask me how I am doing?which is the next story I am writing, and I might invite you to my wedding.

I try to forget my age several times a day but thanks to my family and relatives for reminding me every freaking second my age and marital status. I don’t blame them, it’s the society rule we live in. Society which I live in expects a gal to be married by 26 and be active member of production by 30. In case gal’s status shining with “Single” then permutation and combination predicts her future. She might in love with a guy from different community, may be girl has some mental issues, may be girls ovaries cant take the load. Why people cant understand its girl’s choice to stay single rather than marrying for all wrong reasons?

Don’t get married because your friends are getting married and have 2 to 3 kids. Don’t get married because your parents are forcing you. Don’t get married because society is pressurizing you. Don’t get married because you fear you wont find anyone when you are 30. Don’t get married because your biological clock is ticking and your eggs are wasted.

Get married because you cant live without The One, get married because every morning you want wake up seeing The One sleeping next to you snoring, get married because you want to fight with The One for silly reason, get married because you think no matter where you are he will find you, get married because you know winter or rain, richness or poverty, summer or autumn you want to walk miles side by side with The One, get married because you want to get old with The One living every day as new. Get married because you cant imagine world without The One.

Marriages are probably made in heaven they are very much lived on earth. And I feel when you get married it should be because of love of your choice rather than others. Its true sometime we find love before marriage and sometime love is found after marriage. When your time comes flood or tsunami, you will be itched forever in the sacred bond.

Let’s stop harassing all singles. ESPECIALLY ME!!. Be nice to singles because they are singles and harassed by society every single minute.

being-single-quotes-meaningful-sayings-smarter

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I should be thankful to my brother and S-I-L for allowing me to pamper and spoil my niece and nephew, knowing that my niece idolizes me way too much. They are mere spectators when the war breaks down between me and my niece. Nobody can interceded between us not even my mother. One minute we are like best gals talking giggling and second minute we pull each others hair, roaring “touch and see what I will do”. While she throws my things outside I pick her favorite doll and hung it on the ceiling fan, which they have named “SnL”. She cries saying “I don’t want you SnL, I want only my mamma”. I stand and watch the chameleon to change color. I walk knowing she will follow no matter what happened few minutes back. Before even I could reach the kitchen there she is wiping her tears and saying “Sorry SnL”. I smile and say “Why did you do Alu pumpkin” for which she replies cutely “I like to disturb you SnL”.Sometimes she even changes the rhyme taught in school “I love my mama and dada” to “I love my mamma and SnL”. And I laugh and say “Alu pumpkin, you missed your dada”. For that she comes to me, touches my cheek and says “you are such a cutie, I want you, not dada”. I laugh till tears come out of my eyes. When my brother hears her modified song he raises his eye brows and ask “Alu, you don’t want your dada?”. She says “No, I want SnL”. My brother chuckles and says “ok then, from tomorrow I will take only Alan in my car…”. She start singing her song “I love my mamma, dada and SnL”. She is like my tail when she is around me. I go to kitchen she follows me, I go to washroom she waits till I come out, I go to Geethakk’s house she is all excited to meet Benni bai. She wants me to do all her stuff ;bathing her, help her change clothes, comb her hair, tell Bruno’s story.
Recently I had been to St. Lawrence church in Karkala with 2 rascals, FL and my bro. before we enter the church I called my niece and said “pray to god to bless me with a good job. Remember kneel down and pray, god listen’s to kids prayer”. we entered the church,my niece knelt in front of altar followed by her copy cat brother. Me and my mom were watching her what she will do next. Then she folded her arms, trying to close her eyes, she started praying loudly “dear god, bless me with a good job….”. And I burst out laughing. She continued “bless me with a good job please, I ask you to shower your blessings on me….”. As we were alone I whispered slowly pointing at me “Alu pumpkin bless me with a job not you”. She still continued “Bless me with a job..”. laughing I corrected “say bless SnL with a job not you”. she re-framed her prayer “Dear god, bless SnL with a good job….asking in your name Amen”. St. Lawrence watched us in silence while me and my laughed listening to my niece. She came running to me and said “SnL give me money, I have to put money in the offering box..”. I gave money to my niece and nephew. My niece ran towards Mother Mary’s statues followed by her brother. She pushed her brother and said “I am girl, mother Mary is girl, so I put money here. you are boy, Joseph is boy, go and put money that side”. All I could is watch them in silent laughing.
Its true kids are magical. Spending time with them, knowing them makes us forget every single worry and brings out the lost kid in us.

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Why grown up close the door while changing their clothes and having their bath is still a riddle to my niece. I try to explain in my own words for which she blinks her big brown eyes at me asking “So SnL when I grow up I get to close the door while having bath?” I nod saying yes.

When I walk to my room to change clothes my niece looks at me and says “let me in SnL, I wont see you while changing clothes, I will cover my eyes like this saying she covers her eyes tiny hands. I still can see wide open eyes behind those fingers, I yell “get out, out now drama queen!!!.” She makes crying face and says “please SnL, we both are girls, I will chase my brother out but let me stay”. When I realize my chances are less to change my clothes in that room I run holding my clothes to another room followed by those two chipmunks. I enter the room and lock it while they bang it crying “let us in SnL, please”. Sometimes they lock the door from outside for not letting them in and run while I cry for help from inside the room.
I was reading the new paper while my niece was riding her cycle as usual. My S-I-L was pointing out to the drying clothes and asking my nephew “Alan, whose is this”. He waited for a while and said “Its Alan’s shorts”, then my S-I-L pointed out at his bath towel with mickey mouse and asked “Whose is this Alan” .Alan shouted with joy “its Alan’s, mamma”.I was very much fascinated by his accuracy while my niece stopped riding her cycle and gaped at her brother. As were few inner garments were lined up my S-I-L skipped that row and went to the next one. My niece who was observing them, ran to them and pointed to my lingerie and said “Whose Baa is this Alan?”. Alan got confused and said “I don’t know”. My niece laughed loudly and said “Its SnL’s Baa, Alan”.
I laughed my lungs out listening to my niece. She may not know the exact word but she is one hell of a learner.

deub

 

Hey Buddy,

Hope you are doing fine and blessed with that precious smile wherever you are. It’s been so many days without you, if you think we are enjoying our life without you, you are very wrong. We are still the lost miserable sheep without you wondering where we are lost.

Your mom was still shedding tears , while your brothers showed their brave faces to the world when I saw them last . Some of your friends have trouble sleeping while others still wonder why you are no more. It may sound funny to you to but some are scared to sleep alone because they still can feel your presence, see your everlasting smile and listen to your funny jokes.

Nothing on the outside has changed since you left us; David Guetta new songs are in market competing with Aviciii, I am sure you would have loved them and some lame movies, nothing you would have approved.

When I saw your lifeless body for the last time, ready for the final journey I still couldn’t believe you have left us all. The prayers I started died in my mind looking at your motionless body. Nobody imagined to see you like this, not now, not later. You looked so peaceful and calm, as if you are sleeping without a care in the world. How I wanted to wake you up and tell the rest of our friends what a big joke it had been. I wanted to high five with you and roll on the floor laughing. How I wish it was a joke, how I wish, how I wish. I guess life always has the last laugh and the joke is on us.

I want to believe you are still alive, working your ass off in your office. That’s how I want to think, misery followed me with your death and it is way too much to handle, so I want to believe you are still alive, living the simple joys of life, riding your bike, eating fish fry on some rainy day, telling how good “Nirvana” book is, discussing new phone in market, scolding Deek’s behind his back, telling how many shampoo bottles Mothi has, how busy Shenoy had become, Since when Shruthi has been telling us she will invite us for lunch, Sukesh’s working weekends, how good Virus is in app developing, how many times Rak’s goes home and about lone wanderer Suraj in Mlore, freshers at the firm, new must visit restaurant in Jayanagr, laying blueprints for next road trip,…….. After college, all of our friends met many times on happy occasion of wedding. This is the first time we all met to show respect to the departed.

Your friends still call your name as if you are in the next room, listening to song or downloading some movie. They pause when they realize it was a slip of tongue, and look at the empty space. Why it has to be you, why was it your time, why this early,….as questions are still floating around, we wonder what we could have done to keep you alive.
I wouldn’t call it farewell my friend, because we will definitely meet again, maybe not in this life time but surely in the next.

When we leave this ugly world, the money in our wallet, the degrees we gained, the designation on our resume doesn’t matter .The most important thing that matters is how you lived your life, how many good friends you made, and whether you spread love and joy.

I hope they have good music, delicious chicken and nice movies in heaven to keep you happy .I have no idea what happens after death, Maybe they are either sent to hell or heaven depending on the karma, or are reborn into the same world as other living creature. I hope you’re born as an angel in first case and a bird in second. Angel because they are purest at heart, bird because you can fly spreading your wings no matter how far .

With a heart of gold, passage to the other side shouldn’t be a trouble for you. And my beloved friend death is not the end, it’s just beginning of a new life on the other side.

Regards,
All your dear friends

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In busy, never sleeping Commercial street of Bangalore I found this auto driver multitasking. While you need more than two eyes to walk on the crowded road, this auto driver was riding his auto and reading the newspaper simultaneously. It looked as if he is going to write the board exam. His curiosity in the news printed on the white paper overshadowed the safety of his passenger. Hope people who opted to ride in his auto are sound and safe.

 

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Back then when my niece showed her tantrums on mere mention of “School” all were worried for her. She turned 4 and admitted to school, she didn’t show any reaction, she was quiet. The pink color Barbie bag, some lame uniform, kids of her age back in school may be made her realize spending time in school is lot better than home.
Other day I asked her “AL, how is your school?”
“Its good, Miss tells us to bite other kids”
I wasn’t surprise, making up fake stories, a talent she picked up from somewhere(hope not from me)
“really!! Miss tells you to bite other kids?”
“Yes, yes, she tells us that”
“What about boys?you have boys in your class?”
“Yes, boys are very mischievous so miss tells us to bite boys more deeply”
“Tomorrow I will make sure I ask your miss about this whole “biting other kids” thing
She rolled her big eyes and said “ok”
My brother said “Don’t listen to her, she have mastered the degree in lying”
I looked at her and she smiled and said “I am a kid SnL, I am a kid”
*********
Other day I was talking to my sister when she asked me “you know wht AL did other day?”
“Did she bit someone?did she lied? did she eat from other kids box?”
“no no, most of the kids got banana for the snack box, guess what our smarty pants did? she collected all banana skin and packed it in her box bought it home saying “I got ambas(cows) at home I will feed them. Can you believe that?.
“she did that? OMG” I burst out laughing
“Hope she wont collect all chicken bones, fish bones saying I have dogs at home”
I was still laughing when AL walked in, she looked at me ,chuckled, gave one of her naughty smile and walked away. Everything she does, she does ins style.
*********
AL is learning how to write alphabets, I didn’t have to ask anyone to know I just have to look at the walls. A,B, C in different shapes are resting on the house walls like proud witness of AL’s writing skills. Writing on walls, that’s my habit; I smiled, yes she had picked at least something from me.
She got her book, gave it to me and said “Write “A” SnL”. I kept the book on the floor like a small kid, bent my head over it, put my all energy and decorating “A” .I started to draw a pointed line from down pushed up and pulled down and then kept one side brick between those lines. AL then bent her head on the book and start writing “A” like how I wrote. That’s how we write “A” right!!
After sometime she started writing in her homework book saying one slanting line, two slanting line and then sleeping line. Wait a minute, is there a way to write “A”???!!!Holy mother of cow!!!AL kept on writing how she have been taught in school, and sometimes the way how I taught her. My sister looked at me and said “see you taught her wrong”. My niece went on writing and repeating “One slanting line…….”
I have masters degree but I didn’t know how to write the first letter of English alphabets, thanks to my niece for teaching my the lesson “no matter how educated you are, learning never stops”

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Most of the people adore children, because of their innocence, mischievous things and million dollar smile. If you are able to establish a strong bond with them, you even can enjoy their childhood remembering yours.

With the light off I was lying on the bed with my niece. She was asking me one of her stupidest question and I was wondering what to answer when I noticed my sister going into washroom. I looked at my niece and asked “you want to scare Veera Teacher”? She got up from the bed and stood saying “Come on SnL, we will scare Veera Teacher, she yells at me, she corrects me, come will scare her”. Encouraging words from 4 year old ,that’s all I needed.

We both waited outside the wash room, holding hands without making noise for my sister to come out. We could hear the latch being moved and we were all set to scream. My sister opened the door, me and my niece, spread our fingers like sunflower and screamed from top of our voice. There was my sister scared to death screaming with fear, holding her hand to to her heart. My mom came running asking what happened and dad started demanding for an answer. While me and my niece, rolled on our bed laughing my sister narrated the whole thing. I am sure If she didn’t visit the washroom prior to out attack, she would have wet her pants.

That is just one of the many things I enjoy doing with my niece. Usually we both are partners in some of the craziest things we do. Half of the time she get caught because of her giggles and screams. Even though she get punishment she looks up at me with hope that tomorrow we will do something more craziest thing.

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