Every time I visit my home dogs shows same reaction, mom and dad look at me with same curious eyes “tell me this time you found a guy”, but There is only one person who gets super excited every time she sees me and that  is my almost 4 years old niece . As soon as she sees me she gives one of her best smile and ask “how’s you SnL?”. Then she starts her updates with her eyes still focused on me and on my bag. My nephew then realises it’s a completion of “UPDATES” and starts his update as well. After a while our punching-pinching starts with shouting and screaming.

They even dont hesitate to lift my oversize bags with their tiny hands. Before I can step into the hall there they are sitting around my bag it like hungry wolves. As soon as I open my bag they stand and peep inside waiting, searching with curious eyes. My niece’s face glows like full moon seeing those clips, my nephew runs pulling his underpants between his bum screaming ” Mommy SnL got me Bruno “(book).

Few months back when I was at home with those two little rascals, my niece said after dinner “Tonight I sleep with you  SnL”. She had started sleeping occasionally with me since she was 1.5 years old. When it comes to she sleeping with me I don’t encourage her very much because she starts to role in 360 degrees, sometimes her legs over my face and sometimes she roll and reach under sofa. So to make sure she’s on bed I have to touch her and see, pat her. She said “mommy, I am sleeping with SnL. You can take my dirty brother with you, make sure he doesn’t come out.” .I looked at my niece again to be sure whether she wants to sleep with me. She pushed her hair back with same style and I fell in love with her again. She looked at me with those big eyes and said “Yes SnL I am sleeping with you”. Little I knew what she gonna do in middle of night.

Middle of night she started to turn and change her side. If you are a parent you know this is not good symptom. Kids turn and change their sides when they are restless and about to wake up from their sleep. With my negligible parenting skills I started to pat her. Even though my eyelids started to close I stayed awake to put her back to bed. After two minutes she opened her eyes and hell broke down. She said “I want my mommy”. I picked my cell and saw the time. 3.00AM. .When whole world was sleeping there she was looking at me and saying she wants to go to her mommy in teary eyes.  I looked at her in the dim light of my cell phone and said “you got your SnL now, manage with her tomorrow morning go to your mommy”. But she stood and said “I want my mommy now!!!”. I Begged her again to sleep but she picked her blanket and said “SnL take me to my mommy” and started to cry. How I wanted to beat the shit out of her then. I said “Sleep with me, I will give you chocolate”. She said “Give me the chocolate tomorrow, but I want my mommy now”.

There we both were holding hands and knocking at my brothers bed room door in middle of night. When nobody opened the door I told her to sleep with me but she stood her ground and said “No, I want my mommy “and started to cry. Bad sign, Again I started to knock the door praying all time that my old parents don’t wake up in this process. Finally my sister-in-law opened the door and let my niece in.

After that “I-want-my-mommy-at-midnight’ incident I chase her whenever she comes with her pillow and blanket. Sometimes I let her sleep with me when I am in good mood. We both put the bedding and drift to sleep, with her fighting for my blanket and me telling her to use hers, the one with Donald duck and Micky mouse



Dont Say FAREWELL…..

Posted: April 16, 2015 in POEM

With my farewell said, there I was all weepy and sad

Smile on your face there you were by my side

I fell for you again, fell hard even though my heart was heavily guarded

Jose cuervo’s fine product may not help me to forget that killing smile


“Don’t say farewell, we just met ” you said

How I wanted to shout with joy

And say “we have to walk, we have to run, we have to get old along”

Because we just met, Time, I loved it dearly then


Tempting though to dance with you

In the moonlight under umbrella of shining stars

With tons of self misery and doubts on my back

I am a distressful small pigeon


Don’t go for the calmness on my face

Inside I am one helluva thunder storm

Fighting with emotions and feeling and fate

With mind acting nut heart is bleeding with new wounds


With my heart skipping its beat, I contemplated

But then the past was never been sweet I had to decide

I looked away towards the lonely, barren mountain

And said “no its better we part, with farewell said”


“We still have long way to go” you said again with determined eyes

“Holding hands, talking and laughing” I wanted to say

With tongue lost its ability I stood there perplexed

I wanted to say “YES, we have long way to go”


“Our path don’t cross” saying I tried to flush

The urge to hug you for the final time

To preserve the comfort in your arms forever

Desire piling up I shun them all


“Try harder, don’t give up just like that” You said

I have tried in past but again I am gal with no charm

With my spell week as thin air

I cant rely on hope of rope for long


“Don’t be stingy with words, say your farewell” I said

“Good luck, be happy” is all you had to say

But again I cant blame you for those 4 words

Gou are A man of few words I knew that for long


Intangible force still alive between us

Its hard for to walk when you stand there and watch

I walk away from you with head held high

For you cant see my tears with my back to you darling


My memories become victim to Alzheimer I pray

Killing smile, polite manners, scar on your face

I want everything gone, not even single trace

My sweet memory might rot, pray my heart will heal in this race




Posted: April 15, 2015 in POEM

Good byes are hard, I never liked them
They make me teary eyes..But
Here I am saying you good bye
Its a must, I don’t want be the side boat anymore.

Pot full of negative thoughts, I am a disappointed soul,
To find happiness within I don’t know
I am crazy, complicated and funny
Lonely as I am, I thought I could find fortress in your arms

In life of bridge when we met, I was super excited
After all you came, you took interest, you were nice
I had counted time in my wallet and how I wished them to last forever
With every second we spent I felt, I may not meet you again

I am not a person who chases guys or flowers them
I am a woman with sharp tongue in my sheath
But then you had something which ruled my mind for years
Enough, I said “Its high time I bid my farewell”

Its something I should have done long back
Sailing against fate didn’t helped anyone in the past
With your picture still alive in my heart
I may hope, but I cant force the future to be fruitful

May you sail well and reach some shore rich with honey and milk
Women might have said no to sail along
Don’t let this will stop you, you will find ‘The One’ some day
If not she will find you, and you will be frozen to ground with happiness

When you lay your head in her bosom
And see your kids play in the garden
Struggle and pain of past will vapor
You will realize every wait ends with good fortune

How I wish even I had a love story
To boast about when I am old and wrinkled
Love just happens, you cant force
I am one naïve whale to ignore the facts

you may not remember me in the future
But I will remember you like a rainbow
Appears after heavy rain, mixture of all colors
occasional though but with happy heart

with all the best wishes I say my final bye,
I don’t want to cry, I don’t want to feel sad
But don’t know why my heart is weeping
Maybe, its how it feels when you say bye to someone you love


Fifty Shades of Whatever

Posted: April 12, 2015 in My Silly thoughts

After laughing my lungs out watching FSOG(fifty shads of Grey) I wondered why is the movie banned in India? The movie doesn’t show anything which we Indians have not watched. In the movie the guy was beating the shit out of the gal for pleasure while in India men beat women because they think they have the right to do so. Censor board at least could have allowed the Indian version of fifty shades of India, with all those obscene scenes trimmed and burnt, but they did realize that if they cut all those smoky hot scene there will absolutely be nothing left to show .

There are like millions other books on library racks sleeping day and night with dust all over them, which talk of physical intimation, eroticism. But they never made it to the front row. Rich guy with scars beats the shit out of the gal for pleasure and bingo, the book is selling like hot pants, it’s trendy, sexy and heart throbbing .Author however has done a great job with her words, smirking to lip biting, rolling eyes to later’ss babe, fancy graduation car to brand new laptop, fancy helicopter rides to first edition of literature books. Being a reader myself I felt the book is really carved well with words. With the book you drift into your imagination, easily visit places you have never been to and visualize things which a 2 hours movie can never really show you. The characters in the books are mature and pretty different than how they have been portrayed in the movie.

People do love kinky fuckery, but some being the hypocrites that they are and few others scared of the society, they definitely don’t agree to enjoying it. In some countries even talking about sex is still considered a taboo. Yet, the study shows after the book FSOG, companies producing those playful things have made lots of profit. People!!!! you never made time to read your ancestor’s contribution to sexology “Kamasutra”.

After hitting the bestselling book with all the hype it was obvious the movie based on it was going to be a hit whatsoever. Coming to the movie, our male protagonist, clad in a crispy suit, seated in a fancy glass walled office, on some floor from where the view of the sun rising and setting is nothing short of HD, lays his eyes for the first time on Miss virgin, soon to be a graduate, middle class Miss Steele and he sees a submissive in her. Movie goes on and I laugh my lungs out. Wait a minute, wasn’t  the movie  supposed to make me go weak in my knees, turn me on and drive me to a land of romance, love and passion? And there i was laughing myself to tears. I still remember when one of my friends called Jaime “sukdi bombil”. No hard feelings Jaime darling, But you are nowhere close to meeting the description Mr Grey. Jaime darling, your acting was good but I am sorry you just couldn’t make any impression on my mind or heart. You were unable to reach the character “Mr Grey”. Your walking style sucked, “Later’s baby” was supposed to sound cool and nice but then again you and your brother killed it by saying it at intervals of every 3 seconds. And when you jumped on the bed to have that bite of toast I couldn’t think of anything but a creepy animal. Did I mention those scars on your chest looked more like hickie’s than the burnt cigarette marks?

Dakota Johnson, you almost resembled Miss Steele’s description. With those big innocent eyes, lip biting and the sexy bold scenes, you tried to bring the character in the book to life. Must say ,you have a huge collection of cool butt covering undies. Nice collection, wise choice.

Elliot, you are nothing like the book described you. You look like a real blonde monkey with that haircut. Miss Kavanagh was supposed to be one of the smartest gal, but again you were nothing like the book’s description. You totally lacked maturity .And how can I forget Mr Grey’s mom, a doctor. Was she really a doctor? The way she acted I felt she was more of a “designer” with that OTH wind around her. Taylor, you were good when compared to other characters.

To be honest movie sucks all the blood from your vain like a blood sucking leech. Once all the blood is drained, you feel the  earth rolling round and round and you curse the 2 hours you wasted on watching a guy whip a gal who was “waiting”:).There are some songs which makes your heart go flip flop. These 6 minutes songs have more power, control over your heart and mind than the entire movie.

My cousin says “I would rather watch porn than FSOG”, probably because lots of kinky fuckery is picturized in a more creative manner in them;). If you ever want to educate  yourself about Mr Grey and Miss Steele just Google it, if you want to know in detail the dominant and submissive relationship read the book and if you are in mood to watch soft porn, then watch the movie. Fifty shades of grey after all is nothing but hot physical intimation.



Do you know how hard it is to understand the kids and their games? how painful for them to like you, you should think like them, act like them. As I never wanted to grow up i easily gel with them thanks to my niece and nephew for all the support and motivation. But when they shower me with their stupid question I run from the place far away where I cant hear their “why, why, where, how, when” questions.
Few months back I met My niece’s friend, Nehal’s mom Benni bai. When first time she introduced me to empty space saying ” meet Benni bai” all I did was stare at my her. Wondering whether she started seeing those invisible ghost?But didn’t i played those games “talking to the invisible’s” when i was kid?.So i played along and Benni bai became our favorite character. There were several times when Me, my niece and my nephew discuss about Benni bai while other family members stare at us. “Who is Benni Bai???” they ask me expect to be answered. I just smile and ignore their question, I don’t want to reveal that Benni bai is just imaginary character who is playing My niece’s friends mother. Its creepy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We go to our neighbors , Geethakka’s house to collect our new paper. On the way we find this old broken empty house belonging to Mr and Mrs Pinto.I make my under age gang members to stand on the window grill and talk to Benni bai. “How are you Benni bai?Did you have your food? Hows Nehal doing?Have you taken your cows to graze to the forest?….”. Due to my nephews weight I cant mange both of them holding so I take turn to lift them, with one conversing and other crying “life me lift me”. When they start getting into my nerves I keep them on those dry leaves and run while the huge trees, long creepers watch in silence. They scream and follow me saying “wait SnL we are coming”. I stop and wait for them to catch me. There we walk again holding hands to collect the morning new papers from Geethakk’s house.



Being the last one in my family I was defiantly not pampered , on my every mistake I was caned by my father and tortured by my brothers for their amusement. With tons of nicknames and complaints I loved all the attention, After all I am LEO. Writing names on walls and cupboards, scribbling on my brothers record books and scratching my sister like a cat didn’t helped me in becoming  anyone’s favorite. On every scolding my face would ferment like Idly batter. I was nobody’s favorite ,but that was fine by me till I was there at the center.

seasoned rolled, time moved sometimes it carried curse and sometime boon. There was a good news, new entry to our family, there I was all scared to loose my title “the last one”

2011 May 20 I lost my title to the new comer. I stood there small wailing creature with my first gift, pink teddy and blanket. Tiny eyes, tiny fingers she didn’t made any impression on me. Kids aged 2 or more are fun but infants…uhuh they are too complicated to handle. They are like those new electronic gadgets. Manual or lack of experience will lead you to the edge of cliff. As I was not all that interested in holding her I stood there staring at her from distance. Before I could adjust my specs for the better view somebody carefully places her in my trembling hands. There she was sleeping quietly like an angel. When she made that baby sound in her sleep all I wonder how can they look so adorable and cute same time. Babies are not that bad I thought. That day I lost my title and heart to her. Never imagined how thrilling and painful to have kids around.

After lot of googling, searching her parents named her Aloma. Johnson and Johnson smell, milk bottle lying around, those cute little bibs and night wares all tempted me to have a baby of my own. Thanks to my niece for making the temptation disappear with her cries and tantrum’s.

Being almost 4 now she idealizes me and imitates me. In return her 2 years old brother imitates her. Its painful for eyes though I enjoy. Starting from scribbling on the wall to applying nail polish. With thousands of doubts and question she drives me crazy. After our deadly fight which results in pulling hair, clothes, some tears and complaining she still comes to me saying sorry. Because I am still her favorite SNL who works in Bangalore. I love every bit of it because I am living my childhood again with my niece.



I like it to be on Top sometimes, take it or leave it. It can be the usual board room, colorful light storming rich ramp or front seat of the Boeing or carefully constructed tail-on-fire space wagon or closed wall of my bed room. Men, I understand its un-swallow able piece of chapathi, but that’s ok with me. I understand your ego has been wounded thoroughly like wolves in twilight but give it a try its not that bad.

Males are superior and female are meant to work under them, did the society taught us or religion I mute myself rather than talk about religion. I don’t want to get bitten up or get my old parents thrashed for talking about religion. Region comes before humanity, even though holy people we follow didn’t teach us that, we twisted their teaching and came out with brand new statement “Religion is everything”. You talk about religion and you will be clueless about the shelling like LOC. Nobody gives da**(Cursing!!!!A Lady doesn’t curse according to one of the rare Mr i met, but can a guy curse??I have to ask the gentleman) to humanity when religion at stake. Humans!!!

On my own risk again I dare to bring religion, In almost every religion male are the deities, while women just give birth to them. Ram, Krishna Jesus, I wonder which part of heaven they would have would have choose to stay, if their mother went on strike and refused to conceive them. I just wonder how human rusted brain fails to see the importance of women in society. From FB CEO to Jennifer Gates father, King of pop to GOT creator all were born from their mothers womb, nobody fell from sky with gravity watching the creation clueless. There women stop their production here men will be like lost hawks flying high in sky clueless.

India has beautiful culture and there is no place for women. Men with donkey-face, beaten by Male-superior worm and 1paise respect to women says this. They don’t like women to be like them; live their life as their will because they are scared that, with women enjoying their freedom they only have to wash their hand stitched striped blue color underwear . I am talking about those men who think women on top can kick their hornets nest of pride. Ouuch!!!, . According to them women are meant to take care of their siblings when they are small, get married to a guy their parents searched without saying “but”, satisfy him physically in the night with or without her wish, Produce male heir , take care of the all other family members starting from grandfather to the 4 legged, tail wagging dog. They don’t want to listen to her wish list, they don’t want to hear her dreams, They don’t want to know what she like to do other than making Dal thadka, they don’t even want them to uncover their shadowed face with gungat. That’s because they think women are of weak sex, they are meant to be locked inside 4 walls. And have sex with them willingly or with force. According to men women are like puppet, to be used as they please and dump them when they are tired. They abuse them and sexually harass mentally.

If woman tries to feel the freedom of wind, with smile on the back seat of a bike, express her view, raise her voice, 2 leg animal with ding-dong-bell will be always ready to teach her lesson. I dont pity them rather I feel sorry for the mother who gave birth to him.

If we assume woman is safe in her work place then its untrue. school walls to highly surveillance corporate fancy walls fail to provide the safe,sex free work environment. Higher boss demand sexual favors for promotion it can be either fancy private sector or corrupt government sector. Women are degraded, abused almost every corner of the world.

God made a blunder while creating human being. How I wished he created a uterus and 2 womanly breast to men. I also wonder why he created the infra-structure of male body such a way that it can be fertile till its end while infra-structure of female body loses its capability somewhere in middle of 100. To maintain the equilibrium even the male body should have start loosing his capacity. Horses and Men!!! God might be having his own reason I tell myself again.

If a man sleeps around he is still called man,but when a woman sleeps around she is called b***. Just wonder why man is not called country dog!Narrow minded society!! you see, it always have basketfull of names for women but not for men. If a women commits adultery society stones her and brand her, while men commits adultery nobody seems to care.

There are handful of men in society who accept that women can shine like a star in any field. Those men have broaden their views and mentality with time. They respect all women in their life. It can be either their mother, sister, wife or a stranger in metro. Those kinda men stand by the women they care and respect their opinions. Opening the car door to giving his seat to pregnant woman. They are exceptionally rare breed but thank god they exist.

There are still men who don’t like women working in corporate, women dictating notes and giving final verdict in crowded room of court. May be sometimes they don’t reflex their views but when a firang lady comes with imported camera they boast about “I am the Alpha Male, women are just slave. Women are like gem, if you keep out dog will come and eat it”. Aree bhayya, to eat us just like that are we masala vada pav?

Dear men, we women are not weak sex as you have misinterpreted. We can be humble like Mother Theresa, can wild like Kali on occasion. Don’t take our silence for our weakness. We are just bear you because we know without us you can do nothing, even can tie pajamas nada(string), Without us you are nullified, without us you are that void function which doesn’t written any value. Dont harass us on religion basis. If you would have lived according to religion country would have filled with Buddha’s, Jesus’s and Rama’s . Please!!!stop wishing every woman you meet on March 8th with that 10rs smile on your face. First learn to respect women, understand her value and then will sit in Karna Johars show “Coffee with Karan “talk about women upliftment.

No religion tells you to torture women. No religion has female pastor, priest, or molvi that doesn’t mean we are fragile. We have full faith in you that’s why we never questioned your place in church, temple and mosque. If we are preparing you meals, washing your clothes and doing house hold chores doesn’t mean you can take us for a long stroll on never ending highway. Dont treat us like mute cow. We can kick at your butt and poke with horns when necessary. Again I say don’t take our silence for granted. Dont see women as an java object which you can use according to your wish. We know how your eyes move over healthy breast and butt when we pass by. You are born dog,We know, please don’t try to prove it. Understand our importance when there is still time. When you get the good news of becoming father to a daughter dont kill her when she is still in womb. Give her a chance, and you will see in your final days she will be the one who will be taking care of you. Dont judge us based on our clothes. Its not always clothes you should blame, its your attitude, your ugly thoughts we should balme for. Women in jeans to women in sarees are raped, so kindly dont blame the clothes.

Go educate your self, complete college with first class marks instead of abusing women and find decent job. Widen your views on women, respect them and try to digest the bitter truth women are equal to men in all perspective except standing and pissing in public. Remember a mother bore you, a sister took care of you, and a wife stood by you. Dont take her for a option, if she start taking you as an option, you will be that cursed sperm dreaming about the colorful world outside