MOFE

Posted: August 3, 2016 in My Silly thoughts, TransOceanic
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Mofe

Carrying my weekly grocery bags like donkey I walked, while sweat tickled me here and there. At times I miss my nonexistent husband, if he would have been there he would have carried the bags while I swung my hands and legs copying Silento’s move one or two. Darn!!! What I was thinking when I said no the last guy I cursed my fate and collapsed carefully, not to break the eggs, on the empty bench.

Usual closet-sleeping hot pants, tank tops, tube tops enjoying the company of wind and merry people, long legs and bare backs were sun bathing. I looked at the kid who was standing in front of me drinking his slushy drink. His bag left carelessly on bench beside his cycle (Koi-Mil-Gaya). I eyed lustfully at his cycle for I was always crazy about it. There are still so many things which mock me silently reminding me my age. “But One day” I said silently “I am going to shut you all”. The drink long drained the kid was busy eating pie now. Without any grown up around he looked all settled and homely.

Donkey looked at the bags and shook the head to rest for some more time. Its then a ball from somewhere slowly rolled towards me. Naturally I picked it and looked up in search of the owner. There was the same kid, with the pie long reached its destination looking at me with hopeful eyes. I smiled and threw the ball at him. “How long it has been since I played?” I asked myself. (“Only three months, remember, back in Mangalore how you used to torture those poor kids with football” my inner voice was ready with an answer). I half expected the kid to throw the ball back at me and he did it with a broad smile on his face. I smiled; I was on my way of making a new friend.

We played for quite some time, diving and throwing in all possible ways. The never sleeping sports man in me was wide awake kicking his butt.

“Are you tired?” The kid asked me. Britt’s I tell you they all are considerate of all age group without exception.

“No, I am good” I said throwing the ball at him.

“Are you on your own?” I asked him, the never sleeping Miss questioner was just surfacing.

“Na, My mum went to buy grocery, I am waiting for her “ he said dropping the ball.

“So you go to school on your bike yeah?” I couldn’t take my eyes off from his cycle

“Yeah” he said picking the ball

I smiled imagining myself riding the cycle in full speed in slope, my hair flying with wind and my mouth open screaming,”yeahhhhh”.

“What is your name” I asked him, after all its decent to know the kids name who didn’t make you feel tired or lost

“Mofe” he said

“Wow” I said half expecting him to ask my name. When his silence followed my smiled deepened. That’s the precious thing about kids, they just don’t care. Your designation, job, nationality, name, age, they really don’t give two Fu*** about it.

After playing for 15 to 20 minutes I bid my farewell, the donkey all set to carry the bag and walk the undefined miles .

I still remember the day, clear as Bangalore’s summer blue sky as It was Eid. I saw the cars zzup fast me, inside happy Muslim family dressed in eye blinding, flashy clothes. Their face was reflecting their joy of the day while I stood on the bus stop and waiting for my ride home.

It was 8.30 PM, but the sun still shun like newly married groom thanks to crazy UK weather. I crossed the road and hurried with my one and only annoying company of 8kg, 4 GB laptop humming my all-time favorite Cold-play song in my usual crow like voice. “Para, para, Paradise..”. Lost in my thoughts I didnt much bother about the slowing car from behind and the driver screaming something at me. It was UK after all, why I have to be worried anyways. I am slow processor at times I took a minute or two to interpret what that UK punk just called me. Before I could react he was gone, taking the poisonous air of his existence with him.

“PAKI” (short form of Pakistani) he had called me. Tere Ma*** ** slang lost in my brain, middle finger stuck in my jacket’s pocket and ID card sleeping peacefully in my bag I just smiled. I didnt cry, didnt stamp my feet with anger saying “suhar ki…”, I didnt get angry but I smiled on the stupidity of ignorant, bal**less scum bag. I know even Paki’s are human being bla bla bla but boy never call a Indian Paki; It hurts. Something did snap in my heart then, I walked home like a wounded deer, wondering why people all across the world has to be mean and racist. If you think there is no racism in UK then it’s high time you wake up from your dream like I did.

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The trouble I took to register my name in voter list, tears I wiped seeing my ghost like picture in identity card, long and never ending wait for Adhar card, bunked office to make sure my name and picture is beside my unrecognizable parents in the in the ration card. With all the trouble I took to prove my identity and some illiterate, %^&&* calls me Paki. I am sure when his teacher was teaching him geography he was picking lies from his hair and ticks from his body.

So what I got brown skin; black is color of my hair. It’s true my personality matches many nationalities  Pakistni’s, SriLanga’s(Sri Lanka) Bangladeshi’s but I am an Indian, ‘I’ in caps. When I go to Zoo I see chimpanzees, Oragutan’s, gorillas, Gibbons, Mandrill Fangs, I am smart enough to recognize them by their type knowing they all belong to same specie of MONKEY, so what they vary in their color and looks.

Next time someone call me by names I will make sure I will give my piece of mind, and gyan to him no matter what, broken nose, blacked eye, one more scar on face that’s alright, I can survive with one. After all scars have deepest secret of our life.

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GK:GK aka Gopalakrishna Kamath is a unstoppable explorer.   When he is not flying to see new country ,he peddle and make sure he feast his eyes on London’s country side. His love for travel is not country based. Back India he used to explore the forest, mountains and god knows what!. I wouldn’t be surprise one fine day he posts a pic from Amazon rainforest. he The speed he is travelling, soon his passport will run out of the pages. He does lot of charity work as well.Along with coding and travelling  he is a good planner. Thank you GK for being part of my snoring blog:)

 

Well, this is my maiden attempt writing a blog. Best thing about being guest writer is large reader base which is already guaranteed😉 Thank you SnL for this wonderful opportunity. Without further ado let me share my experience of my recent voyage to ICELAND.

Game of Thrones season had just concluded and I being hardcore fan of “Song of Ice and Fire” thought of visiting “Land of Ice and Fire”. Shared my plan with my friends, everybody did not approve. Then only one guy said Yes, will go..!! After all “Yeh Zindagi Na Milegi DubaaraJ” Even though you live a little make the most of it. I took the entire responsibility of planning out our vacation. Flight Tickets + Accommodation + Tours booked, we both were all set for big journey.

We had to catch flight early in the morning so reached airport at 4:30a.m. We went through security check, the security personnel pointed out that I’m carrying sunscreen which is over 100ml. Lesson learnt “Never carry any liquid which is over 100ml in your hand luggage”. I had to drop it at the security desk:). Not a good start I felt. But being an optimist it did not bother me much. Our flight was on time we set of to Iceland flying over clouds and Atlantic Ocean.1

Yaahoooooo…!! After 3 hour long flight we reached Iceland. I immediately connected to airport Wi-fi confirmed my safe arrival at Iceland via FB check-in😉 We then headed to the capital city Reykjavik. Our first stop at Reykjavik was at Hallgrímskirkja Church. The 360 degree view from the top of the church tower was breath-taking.

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Down town area on one side, Beautiful seashore and mountains on other side. The view literally made us speechless.

The next stop we made at iconic monument of Reykjavik, The Sun voyager.We roamed around town hall and Museum. By the time we finished exploring port area of Reykjavik our tour bus was ready to take us to Golden circle tour.

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Our minivan pickup was scheduled at 1:00p.m. The tour guide Raydha welcomed us on time. We were group of 8 people, after brief introduction we started off to exciting Golden circle tour. Tour guide was very enthusiastic and she was explaining history of Iceland with passion. (Our snoring sound did not bother her though :P) The first stop of golden circle tour was at “ON geo thermal plant”. We were taken inside thermal power plant and they explained how geo thermal liquid is used to generate power (seriously till that day I had never heard about this form of energy, new information got added to my GK😉 ). Those are the pictures showing how they drill hole to the earth crest and extract geo thermal liquid. The steam obtained from liquid is used to run turbines.

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After heavy knowledge session on power generation we moved towards our next stop. Kerið It is volcanic Crater Lake. We were given enough time to roam around lake and to take selfies😉

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Water fall Gullfoss: They say “No other falls is like Gullfoss” which cannot be denied once if you witness the majestic falls. I believe below picture itself explains all the adjectives are true🙂

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The next interesting place was hot geysers of Iceland. Trivia: The word geyser was derived from a hot spring whose name was Geyser. The hot Geysers shoot up for every 7-8 minutes. The Nature and its phenomenon are truly awesome.  The temperature of water was 80-100c, My Manga buddi (insane mind)… I did not believe what’s written on sign board and touched water to check the warmness. Saavu marre.. It was indeed boiling hot😦

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The Iceland relatively new piece of land compared rest of the land on earth. It was formed 16-18 million years ago. Iceland sits on two tectonic plates namely Eurasian plate and North American plate. The turbulent interactions between these plates formed mountains, volcanoes and Iceland in total. Iceland is expanding every year by 2cm. Our next stop was to visit the place where we can clearly identify two different plates. As you can see in picture to the left lies Eurasian plate and North American plate at the right. The snorkelling between plates is one main adventure activity in Iceland.

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We then continued our journey towards our next attraction point. Öxarárfoss waterfall in Þingvellir National Park. To my surprise National park did not had any trees, it consisted of rocky mountains and lakes instead. We walked a short distance to see the waterfall. Tiny waterfall but nothing less in beauty. Best thing about Iceland is very less tourists. Wherever you visit you will not find large tourist groups. So we could able to enjoy waterfall in tranquility.

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I was lost in thoughts gazing at waterfalls just then my tourist guide reminded me that we need to make a move. Unwillingly I had to say good bye to the beautiful water fall. We then moved towards our next attraction point. Viewpoint of Þingvellir National Park.

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The viewpoint totally mesmerized me; we spent short time admiring nature’s beauty. Tour Guide announced that it was the last attraction covered in itinerary:). We reached capital city Reykjavik at 11p.m. Tour guide dropped us at our hostel Holiday Village; we thanked her for making our day wonderful and memorable. After quick pizza dinner we called off for the day. Ah… but Sun wasn’t willing to leave city in dark. Trust me this pic I clicked at night 1a.m. Those who are afraid of dark, visit Iceland during summer it never gets dark there: P

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So guys, that was my first day in Iceland. I spent couple days more which were filled with even more attractions. I would be sharing my experience shortly till then take care bye… bye.. J

-GK

 

 

After landing in UK my lone walks, following my crazy have found a new turn. I don’t think twice, actually I don’t think at all, Thanks to UK, there is drastic change in me. I still love to do things on my own with somebody beside me or without. I guess this is what they call growing old, you do things which you always wanted not waiting for anyone.

Even though it was Sunday and I am in UK I didn’t have any plan to visit London; Visited London bridge already done 5 times, One more time and I will puke on the middle of the bridge, London eye, big Ben… Rather I had a plan to work on my new crazy idea.

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I packed my bag with mango juice, fruits, and snacks and set out on my small journey to park where I was planning to have picnic party. Guess who else was joining me? The Nature.

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I never really saw the leaves dance before and now I have seen it I cant stop watching

Green grass, whispering and occasional screaming wind, dancing leaves, gray-blue sky and off course cricket with their never stopping siren. So what I just have to listen for a change I wasn’t bored for a second. I felt heavenly instead. It is total different view and new experience from lying on the grass. It’s not I never tried back at home; my mom and dad were always around to say “Kalen zalango thuka?”(What happened to you).

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Everyone should try, its totally worth it.

Lying under this huge tree I tried to keep my eyes open, my Indian never sleeping woman instinct all awake, ”lone woman, open to invitation blabla …”it was so soothing and comfortable I fought harder to keep my eyes open but when my eyes didn’t listen I gave in dozed off for a while. How I wished I could seize the day and moment forever. Losing myself first time to the nature, for real, I enjoyed being on my own with my precious silent company

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Book is ok, but isn’t my book mark cool!!

Yeah, I remember my book which I bought to read. I tried to read few lines but when I kept losing my focus to then blue now grayed sky I closed it.

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That’s me, still same,cant stop reading

Fathers were playing football with their son, teenagers were riding their bicycle, women walked their dogs and I just laid there watching the sky, the tree, the bees, there was this smile on my face.

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What would I done without my dear dark chocolate.

Do give a try watching the blue sky but don’t forget your picnic mat. I did, result of which I can’t stop itching still.

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Sun rays peeking and saying hello to me

Low on my mojo, I trailed of in search of company of silence because you are not obliged to talk and least of all pretend to be interested. I can never pretend that’s the other thing, It’s not that I never tried but it doesn’t suit me.

It was 2 o’ clock in the noon, while most of the Britt’s had forsaken clothes to escape from heat , wearing red t-shirt and full pants I was walking, soaking wet, grabbing all attention of dead and alive in the cemetery. No, I don’t know to call the spirit and yeah I am scared of ghost too. It’s just that the cemetery on this Crawley Green Road, Luton is so peaceful and calm I can’t stop myself visiting it. It is my second visit and I am sure there will be many more. Sleeping for eternity, saved from the curse of world of living I always feel dead ones are very lucky It’s us who are unlucky.

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I went to say hi to Mr and Mrs Teddy who were guarding the children section. I was surprised to see their little baby guarding alongside them. FAMILY, defiantly an important factor of our void life, no matter which side you are, this side or other side.

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Then I went to see Mr Edger, I envied this guy, for he had the privilege of having Rabbits Company. I waited with patience for the Rabbits to come out. When I didn’t see those attentive ears I went near and peeped. Sadly they were all gone without any trace and postal code. Hopefully not to the world of dead, may be they changed their location. I wanted the second guess to be true.

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Sad and dishearten I walked saying hi to Rita, Gregory, Lucy, Salvadore and many more to name. Calm and quiet they slept peacefully without a care in the world. Greenery surrounding, wind singing song I was mesmerized in the dormitory of the dead ones. I sat under this huge tree losing myself in the orbit of quietness.

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I have no clue how many ghost followed me or watched me closely yawning, counting the cavity in my mouth, grey hair strands. When I felt my eyelids closing I woke up and continued my expedition. Sitting in cemetery is ok, walking in cemetery is ok but sleeping in cemetery is not ok

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So what Mr Rabbit changed his location Ms squirrel came to greet me, dancing wagging its tail. It’s then I saw two male species of human being standing and talking. Isolated place, midst of nowhere, woman with no company, invitation to trouble, …My mind spanned faster than the carousel. Indian women instinct and there I was running like a scared deer stamping Julian, Mark and apologizing thereafter. Isn’t it funny we are always scared of dead ones but its always the living creature who has the capacity to harm us.

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By the time I reached the entrance I was breathless. I sat for a while watching the leaves dance matching the tune of wind.

Saying bye to everyone, with a promise to visit them soon I walked after all everyone loves little company occasionally.

Eh, Eh It’s UK Eh

Posted: July 2, 2016 in TransOceanic
Tags: ,

Mere mention of London in my blog and I was able fish many readers, their likes and appreciation. Happy, defiantly I am, eh(picked it from Londoners).”Ella rascala, I stay in Bangalore and write about Metro, thunder burst in office washrooms, strain my back to click church street never dying street side pool and you don’t give rats ass(not you my darling regular readers) I travel  to the Land of romance, cold, ”OH, Dear!!”,change two flight getting up every freaking time(they were sweetheart thankfully) lady and guy sitting next to me had to go to toilet and mention London and then I have your attention all of it? Hypocrites (eyes blazing fire, fore finger pointed) It’s not your underwear you need to change every day but your damn freaking mentality.(wow, I write so well ).

If you are in London you don’t need knife, pepper spray, dragger to carry in your bag, “You Ok”,”Have a wonderful day”, “That’s all right”,”THANK YOU”, “You are welcome” some more easy squeeze words in your pocket and you are ready to taste their hospitality. They are way too sweet for us Indians and its difficult for me because I have to go back to the same sea where day starts with arguing with driver and ends with cursing the BMTC bus conductors. I already feel like the tactics and lessons I learned to survive in Bangalore are overshadowed by these Brits touch. Men give way, “After you mam” say whenever they see a lady waiting, oh god they all are gentleman (defiantly I should marry one). I zone out seeing their manners and come back to reality when my fellow Indian macho man closes the door on my face and drop the paper while walking. “Illiterates bastards with Engineering degree” no wonder Modijis is tired of sweeping the streets of out dear rotting country.

Men are always men

So other day I was working in graveyard shift. Yawning (I always do) I got into the bus and sat with my companion 8kg 4gb laptop. A healthy lady, (I would not call her fat as she had right meat at right place; you know what I mean) with her small kid in pram got in the bus , followed by this old man in brown color over coat. When the bus started to move the baby started crying, the lady go up from her seat and bent over the pram consoling the kid. There was her G-string saying hello to the viewers with broad smile. As I was sitting in golden class I nodded my head from a distance and looked out of the glass window. Somehow this old man’s eyes fell on this beautiful thing and he was hypnotized beyond his own control, at least I felt that. I am sure for that precise moment his heart was pumping the blood in high rate and his veins felt young again. I couldn’t help myself but smile when he went on enjoying the show. Men, Africa or China they will be always men. After glorious 1 minute he turned back to make sure his dirty deed was safe with him. But there was me sitting and giggling on my seat.

Loving and Understanding that’s how the husband should be.

As I am suffering from lack of social skills being in London for two months didn’t help me to increase the count of my friend’s list. So there is this 6ft, thin married guy(don’t get ideas) in his late 30 who had the privilege to have my annoying company. Wherever he went I followed him like tail following the dog. I am sure certain point of time all he wanted to is blackout me(I am just guessing). One day after forcibly following him in TESCO, stopping at every counter he stopped talking all time. My eyes raised when he picked up a bunch of flowers

“Flowers, is something special today” there’s was me, ready with my question with eyes brows raised.

“No nothing like that, they are for my wife” He said politely examining the flowers he picked carefully.

“Is it her bday today?” One day definitely my face would be smashed beyond repair for my nonstop questions.

“No, just like that. Every month I buy her flowers. She doesn’t have friends here, always busy with household things and kids…..” he went on explaining me and I was there glaring at him open mouth. “This kind of men EXISTS?” I asked myself that too Indian.

There is more to write and clock is ticking. With 2 months rolled silently I want to hold on to every second, every minute, every hour, live them whole heartily because time is something I can never roll back.

eh ehe

 

 

London is breathtaking; mere mention of its name bags you 200 likes and 189 comments on your DP(I am still counting). With my amateur words I wouldn’t even dare to describe it’s crazy rainy days, cozy cold days and body itching hot days with colorful roses blooming and flowers showing their smile to every stranger they see. Rather I will keep it simple and plane like convent school nuns clothes. The burden of being a spectacular writer like Srikanth(Hope your face will bloom like dhasavala(hibiscus)) is heavy.

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Poop, You Can find it anywhere, Even In UK.

Last Sunday as I walked to the church,on the streets of Luton there was a surprise waiting for me. I looked at it in all angles to make sure that, it is what it looked like. Dog Poop was grinning at me wickedly. You don’t have to be in India to see the shit on the street, trust me you can find it anywhere.

When you hear the Fire alarm just run, there is never mock drill

I walked in to office with my usual 5 KG, mentally unstable 4GB laptop watching the painters painting the walls listening to the music on Saturday. As I walked into my ODC, with no human around, only dead PC’s staring at me I sat on my chair silently. “So what It’s scary, I can manage” I said and opened my laptop. Within an hour of my arrival the fire alarm went off. TTTTTTRRRRRIIIIINNNNN,I looked at my left and right, back and front, then I looked up hoping finally I can see the fountain dancing, that too live. I was just imagining water will start falling and my laptop will get brain hemorrhage and slip into coma. I smiled sadistically and started digging at my work like wood pecker

“Get out of here” Security guy barked at me. I looked at him and tried to smile, you know I was being polite.

“Get out now” His second bark was enough for me to move my ass and show the severity of the situation. As I walked out I saw a fire brigade standing outside all set to be in action. Then I saw other employees standing outside, under the tree and waiting, worried look on their face. And I was walking down the steps like a chief guest, at least I thought so. All the way till the bus stop I laughed like a maniac. There is never mock drill when you hear the fire alarm all you need to do is just RUN.

No, I Use Visual Studio

When the null pointer exception started mocking at me I irritated all my friends within reach to fix the issue show casing my bunny smile. With few showing their ass and few chuckles, I started walking on the way that lead to a Intellectual brain. With his “’Grab(r doing summer salt) a chair’, ‘yep’, ’yep’ I was mesmerized by his interest in my null pointer exception. Well tamed hair, ironed clothes he had a class dressing sense, I could see it and smell it. The familiar Cool Water smell hit my nostrils and I took a deep breath losing myself in the world of David Off. At least I thought it was “Cool Water” so to give 100% marks to my nasal organ I did a blunder of clarifying with him

“You use Cool water eh?” I looked at him now waltzing in the familiar fragrance.

“No, I use Visual Studio” he said already lost in his world, analyzing finding the root of the fault. I just stood frozen to the floor looking at his head.

“Visual Studio it is” I said, banging my head to the nearby pillar imaginatively.

So you study in the Univerzity?

As I approached the billing counter the man behind the counter smiled at him, maybe he was happy to see somebody like him with brown skin and black hair. To try out my always poor flirting skills I smiled. He asked me “Where are you from?”, looked like he was just waiting for the signal.

My inner joy doubled thinking finally guys from London are showing interest that too in me.

I smiled and tried to blink my eyes 100 times per 30 sec like Pili-Pili(like cat) and said “I am from India, with head held high(stressed IND with full pride)” I said trying to be melodious like Asha Boslae, how I wished harshness in my voice just disappeared like the planes disappeared in Bermuda Triangle. With Pakistani, Indian, SriLankan nationality matching my complexion may be he was way confused I thought.

“So you study in the univerzity” he asked me billing my Dr Pepper. Even the “zity” caught my attention I ignored ,happy that my age didn’t reflected on my face, I laughed showing my bunny teeth at first then I remembered the tactic and smiled like an exotic half-moon and said “No, I work”

When I realized with his two questions and my no questions I was already lagging behind by 2:0 I was fuming silently. I wanted to maintain the balance, after all men and women are equal. I had to do a comeback. Nobody can compete with my with questions I had to prove that to this London punk I told myself. Flirting all long forgotten, it’s never been my glass of Lemon Tea

“Where are you from?” I asked him queuing my next question, placing the Dr Pepper in my bag. “Where you work in univerzity?”, he ignored my question and asked his question, that too third one. How dare he? Thank god  I didn’t get on the counter and hit his head with my hand

“Hhehehehhehe NO, somewhere else” I said still thinking of my come back.

“I study in Univerzity, This is my friends shop..” he went on explaining, throwing hands in all direction. I looked at him calmly my interest long gone with the queen’s carriage. One thing I don’t like is people avoiding my questions.

With my frustration building up I tried my luck and threw the question again at his face. I still have to make it at least 3:1, “Where are you from?”

“I am From SriLanga” he said smiling

I walked out of the shop replying to his “cheers” with “cheers” and burst out laughing “Yeah, we have many Langa’s(Skirt) in Bangalore”

Every day I have new experience and its quite different from the previous day.

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