Lazy Bum In Scotland: Arthur’s Seat

View inside my hostel room

Yeah, that my stuff sleeping on the bed. You are smart if you recognized my pink stole .

Who says travelling alone isn’t fun, I was enjoying every bit of it, see the pictures and you will know because I am not there in any of it.Staying in a hostel just outside the castle is sexy or not?. Hostel was another level of paradise, tourist from all around the world male and female all together. Even though I couldn’t interact with them due to my lack of social skills I was lost in the game of watching them(there are many people who share my interest), handsome guys in their ganjis playing pool, reading the news paper, doing nothing sitting on the couch, washing their juice glasses, talking..US.Japan, Canada, Aussie and one Indian girl(that is me me me).

As there was a walk I was back to my hostel before 2PM,As our sexy, handsome guide started the walk after checking our footwear he went on pointing this and that and explaining. With his accent rhymed like a wind shay-me I was lost with my the grasping capacity gone to White Walkers beyond the wall. I was like Teddy, my dog moving my head 30 degree and 60 degree without blinking but watching intensely.

 

Indian may not be famous but Indian food is.

Bobby, the Grey-friars who waited on his owners grave faithfully, till his end, in the graveyard made my eyes wet. People near by took care of him, giving him food and water. Is there any story involving with happy ending?.

This is where the Harry Potter and the whole series was born

I was jumping Jane when the walk begin, after slogging my ass day and night in office first outing I was enjoying. It was not even 15 minutes when I started panting. Aint I country girl who loves to walk miles and miles with Archie, tailing with Rum Teddy, aint I the same girl who avoid auto so that I can walk?I doubted. “If this is the case I might not even to see the face of my unborn kids and their father(I am still hopeful)”

Fu** Arthur, Fu** his Seat I was singing the song taking breaks every 5 minutes. “Was I crazy to climb this?was I?Was I” When my conscience was fighting within I was fighting for air. We Indians stop exercising once we get a job unless for cousin wedding or own or to impress any girl/guy from college, may be its just me. Few more days on that chair in front of system and my tummy will be like my manager’s beer tummy, trying to fit in medium size shirt, revealing little bit of that dirty passage from behind.

While our guide reached the top in no speed I was thunder stuck with his physique. “I climb this place twice in a week in 45 minutes”. “What the …?” Is he freak? Here I am trying my ass out not to collapse and he climbs Arthur’s fucki** seat twice a week. I was bit relived when I saw two US girls became my 5-minutes break partners. saying “Say what” when I cracked some PJ’s

When I reached the top I realised how breath taking it was. Sexy view from F**Arthurs Seat. I became active listener rather than the talker in my walk group. With my Indian accent and terminology it would have taken days to explain Indians things to them.

Ascend was difficult but descend was disaster. Being the last in queue I am sure they would have figure it out that I am Roza Pinto(Nishas granny, according to Nisha her grannys ghost rest in me). Handsome guide took pity on me and waited for me to get down from the sloppy way. I dont know why I did what I did, may be the dead kid in me wanted to came to life or wanted to impress the guy behind me. Before I know I jumped from certain height on the uneven ground. “Surrrrrp”, those old Bones

The super energetic GUIDE

5-minutes break partners.

We reached the bottom and all were walking. I realised by then I was slighting limping my right foot. “Its just temporary” I was consoling myself

“Any one of you hungry?” When guide said they were many who wanted to refill their empty tummy. I just followed because I had nothing much to do

“I am from Philadelphia” one guy was saying

“Me to, where you stay in Phil” Girls who were taking break with me while walking said

…..

I was just looking their face in first in first order base. Then they were talking about drinking games, save the queen, thump up…

“I keep on travelling, Parague, Budapest” one who happens to my room mate was saying

“I am off to Ireland next week for St Patricks day” other sharing too.

Swamy Devare(Oh Dear god)Where I go for my vacation?I catch Sugama bus and go to Mangalore then back to Bangalore. Listening to them I realized how people from other countries try to explore, take risk, meet new people. while we Indians just stick to social norms, study our ass off, get job, work our ass off, get married to, make babies, pay their tuition fees and then suffer with cancer or tumor, and die paying the hospital bill.  Fun filled life with peace and adventure we haven’t tasted that phase of life

When I reached back to hostel there was a commotion in the wash room. I saw men shaving, girls combing, applying make up.Then it hit me, they were getting ready for PC. I wasn’t keen on it as my leg was screaming with pain. “what 30+Roza pinto will do in midst of youngster”, I was telling myself.”Yeah What I do”.

Then against my will I got ready, “Lets see what happens in pub crawling”.With my hostel seal on my hand, I followed the cheering, hopeful herd limping.  “ID Please” when the security guy asked me I wanted to hit my head to the wall for my ignorance. Remember always carry a book to read,credit card to pay bill, umbrella for the protection:) and fu**ID card for identification. Dont be like SNL. I blinked 20timespersecond  like Loly and tilted my head 30 degree and whispered “I forgot Sir”. “Step aside mam” he said firmly.”You better go and get your I-Card” he said politely. I walked out away from the merry people, music from the pub slowly floating towards me, the night was young but I wasn’t. With my swollen knee I have to limp all the way up to hostel and back here. “Next time” I said and walked away. I was sad just for a moment then the Roza Pinto was back. “You should have listen to me”

 

Back in hostel met a short but sweet guy from Japan, my roommate,who was travelling, making friends with Japaneses to English translation book. MAN!isnt it fantastic. I loved his courage.He reminded me of my best friend Golu. short but sweet but with lots of confidence. I dont remember his name but yeah I remember his face.

When the event filled day came to an end I wished my time in Scotland to last forever. Yeah I was being greedy who wouldn’t be when you are in Scotland

1: https://snlworld.wordpress.com/2017/06/18/lazy-bum-in-scotland-on-her-own/

The Lone Eagle

He might be lone but not sad. He is hopeful for better future enjoying Bangalore’s(Richmond Road) semi hot weather .

Where It Belongs

I had picked “To Kill a Mocking Bird” from library. Old book with the edges turned brown I didn’t bother to check the book thoroughly. It was later that day when I was turning the pages something caught my attention

As long as I watched the pic I was drawn to it like bug fascinated by the burning lamp. I should have thrown the picture when I found it but I couldn’t. Three kids, aged between 8 to 14 sleeping next to their father on an old bed; which is spread on the bare floor probably in the hall. “Where is your bed cover?”,”pillow without cover don’t even think about it”, “Where is the mat” my mother’s shouting boomeranged in my ears when I saw their bed’s condition. Men are ignorant (known fact). While father was proving my point I wondered about their mother. Was she alive? Was she busy washing the utensils after a heavy meal or she is the one who captured the picture? I would like to consider the later part, at least she enjoyed a little bit being a woman. Slippers and footwear’s near the wall which was stripped of its dignity; the paint, multicolor defiantly not matching door curtains, old flooring made me wonder about their financial condition.  Is their own house or were they visiting their relatives place somewhere far away in village. When my mind was turmoil I consoled it “They were just visiting their dead granny’s house, which was locked after her death else why footwear in the hall”. “May be they had footwear biting dogs like mine” sometimes reality justifies itself. “Their mother is real beauty” I said seeing the kids. “As no one resembles their father”.

Outstanding factor of the picture is the bond the kids shared with their father, trying to get the closest spot next to him still makes me smile. Their father is their super hero, you can see it on their twinkling eyes.

It been almost three years, the photo still rest in the book where it belongs. Occasionally when I see the book I take a minute or two to see the photo, it never fails to enthrall me

Its All About Nails

Alan:Bangles, rings  what else girls love?

Aloma: “Nails dumbo, we love our nails”

Alan:”I love nails too ”

Aloma: “You cant because you are a boy”

Aloma: “Looks pretty sexy yeah!”

Alan: “I want them too”

Aloma: “I cant stop admiring them”

Alan: “So what I am boy, I want them too”

Aloma: “Nothing can beat million dollar smile with perfect nails”

Alan:cries “Please, give me some”

Aloma: “you takes Rum’s(dog) nails”

Aloma: “Minions, they brighten your life”

Aloma: “Do I look like a poser, thanks to my aunt”

Aloma: Bag full of chocolates and nails embraced with minions what else a girl want?

Aloma: “Even boys like them”

Alan:”yes, I love minion”

Aloma:”I cant get enough of minions, I do that sometimes to scare my little brother”

Alan: “Dont I look pretty with purpuly purpuly nails. No I dont like the hairband.”

Alan:”I look prettier than you”

Aloma:”You look like mankod(monkey)”

Alan: “No, I am lovable teddy bear”

Aloma:” Teddy bear amba’s dung. You look like ugly bear”

SnL: “Dont overact, give me natural pose”

Aloma: “SnL,What you mean by over-acting?

SnL: Frustrated, “my head”

SnL: “Over-acting means posing like mankod,(monkey) be natural, bring out the best in you”

Aloma: “Will nails do?”

SnL:”Gurrrrrrrrrrr”

SnL:”Can you stand on that stool””

Aloma: “Dont make me do things which are risky, how about this mitai-ful”

Aloma: “Nails, color and glitters”

Aloma: “I am a rock star, see me raise and shine”

Alna: “You are puski star”

Aloma: “What makes perfect picture?nails, color and pout”

Alan: “You meant dukaor(pig) face?”

Alan:” Purpuly purpuly, I love purple”

When I Was Running Low With Sugar

“Anyone in for a drink?” It was second day in a row I pinged in what’s APP group. Same ass holes without whom I life will be a beer bottle without a cap were the lazy membership holder for life time. Mid-life crisis, tension at work, Increased weight, free hair fall was taking me for a stroll, I needed familiar faces to yap and a cold-sweating bottle to hold on. “Thank you god….for all the wonders you made in my life” the ending hymn sang during the mass was still ringing in my ears.”all wonders and this pit in my life, thank you god for that”,I was really running low with sugar. Saturday night; just 7, Indiranagar; Banglore’s Most happening place; where pubs are more than grocery shop,”brum brum” while bikes sped by me I walked silently, waiting for a positive response. Whole mass I prayed at least one, single-then, married-now looser say yes. I checked my phone looking at the passerby and darkness followed by them with the annoying hymn still ringing in my ears. It was annoying as there was nothing at the moment to thank on except for the sadness.

“Sorry, Grocery shopping” Shenoy replied. He used to be fun but now just happy family man with adorable daughter

“Sorry SNL, House cleaning” recently married Mr Shetty replied.

Mothi and Rakshith who married year back didn’t even reply.

“Brum, Brum” the bikes were still speeding and making me nostalgic. There was a time we used to be happy big heard of cows, aimless but enjoying the green pasture of life. With Ching Shruthi giggling for the pottu jokes it was carefree single life. Shruthi, mother a kid now she is always busy making everyone surrounded by her happy. If you want a reply from her today you have to ping her a month ahead.

“All busy now, all married right”still one-to-go-down-wicket, Sukesha was consoling me.

“I would have come if I wasn’t busy darling” my all time favorite Virus replied after 30

minutes. He was about get a Mrs in a week. “Ohhh Virus, I am flattered” depressed though flattery old me was lively.

“Take care Silly, Love you” he was gone before I could blink.

“For a week you can say that” I reminded him. Yellow colour, circular funny face, his reply didn’t make me happy but there was a definite smile on my face

“Its high time I make new friends” I typed.

“Heee”,”lol”,”very funny” they were more replies.

“All the best silly” the mockery in their message me mad, they were real morons at time.

“Dont laugh, just watch me” I replied again

Whom I was kidding?!It was bit unrealistic to make a new friend in short time whom you can trust blindly, relay on hard time, especially for a antisocial person like me who is queen of her wishes and love her space

With my mood sinking lower than Banglore’s stinking drainage I kept walking. “Brum brum” fucking bikers I was ready to pelt the stones ta them by then

May be that’s why relatives, neighbours, well wishers always distributed their free suggestion of “Marry by 25, 2 kids by 30, be happy always” like OPPO pamphlets outside namma metro station. It was by choice I was maintaining my “Miss” title carefully, in my early 30’s(30 sucks). Its always better to be single than marrying off the wrong person and trying to make him right. All I wanted was little sugar, little energy to flutter my wings,spreading wide and fly high like always.

It was not the first time I felt it why I am not social,charming, can take any bullshit type, you can pocket a new friend in no time. I took the heavy steps wondering what one need to do in desperate times like this;“Sit and crib and fall further lower”,”Curse my busy friends”,”blame my fate”….Sorry I am not that old fashion. There was not a thing I set on my heart and I didn’t achieve impulsively .I took my bold steps to DROP and picked my favourite red wine and goods to stock my fridge.

“Baby, I’m dancing in the dark with you between my arms …” I was singing from top of my voice after 30 minutes, with sleazy moves in my hall. After 2 hours I was pumping up with energy, syncing my moves with changing music, climbing the cot and jumping holding my imaginary guitar, biting my lower lip with passion playing the guitar… Spreading wings and flying high if this is called I was doing it in style, my style. If my dad would have seen me like this he wouldn’t have caned me rather he would have married me off. You see no matter where I am I can never stop thinking about “What my dad would think”.When you want to bring out the old, fun you, when you dont have friends just try glass of wine. It brings out the best of you

“Happiness is not to be searched ;it is within; All you need to do is own it”. By Lobo baba

Where Is My Sexy Cow?

“Hey Florine, where is my sexy cow?” I asked my mother

“Must be in the hut,but since when you started loving cows”

Aloma, my 6 years old niece, added “sexy cow?kalen munthaigo?(what you saying?)

Alan, 4 years old nephew contributed “I love cows, ammba. I love our bittu(calf) too”

“You little rascals shut up, Florine I am talking about my top,not your milking cow”

Florine sighed and said “How will i know where your clothes are. In olden days, at your age, women used to have 4 kids, their mother in law used to …..

“Cut the same old brain draining crap. If you dont know who else will know. once in a while I come home and when I do, my clothes disappear” I raised my voice. Its obvious when your things are missing you yell at only one person, your mom

It was not the first time I was asking my mom about my sexy cow top.Every time I turned over my cuboard I I always wondered what happened to it. It was almost 6 months since I have seen the funny-looking-smiling-cow. As it always reminded me of my situation it was very dear to me.

“You must have done something to it. I am sure about it, I can feel it” I told my mom. I was scratching my head while my niece and nephew were staring at me without blinking

“Dont look at me like that”

“Like what” my getting-into-my-nerves niece asked me

“Like that, the way you looking at me right now…”

“Stop taking out your frustration on them” my mom commented from the kitchen

“What frustration?” I barked back at her

“now shut up , go and get the mop, I spilled the milk here”

Mothers, always have their way with kids. I went out grumbling to get the mop

“What the heck?” I almost fainted when I saw my once all pretty sexy cow now turned into old, torn mop

“FLORINE” I screamed with all my might, one or two fart would have escaped in the process I cant be so sure.

My mom was out all concerned on her face , so as my niece and nephew .

“What happened?did you see snake?” mom was all drama

“Snake my ass, look at my sexy cow. When did you turned into your dirty mop”

“Oh muja deva(oh my god) is this yours? I thought it belongs to no one” my mom said. Was she actiong? I looked at her.

“Oh this is your cow” my niece was acting like a investigator

“Grandma turned her sexy cow into mop haha” the two rascals were laughing now

“you two shut up or I am going to whack you”

“It’s branded that too lovable. how much pain I took to dig it during the sale…….” I was still yapping when my mom smiled and went inside adding “what is done is done, stop screaming, may be by mistake I used it as a mop”

“Cant you see before using it, it was brand new….” good for nothing but i had upper hand in whining.I was hitting my head to the wall when the two little rascals said “hit harder, lets see which is stronger your head or wall”

“SHUT THE …..I looked at them and swallowed the “F**** up”. I didnt wanted to be The Aunt who taught them F&&&

“Sorry, I think I didnt see it properly, old age you see” my mother was all apologetic and I was quiet all of sudden. Can you say anything when your mom says sorry?!!NOOO

I just walked out with my tail, my niece and nephew following me

I took a deep breath watching my worn out but still sexy cow smiling at me

Lazy Bum In Scotland: On Her Own

Solo trip in India is …..sorry if you are woman don’t even think about it. You will never come back alive. As I was in UK,I thought it would be wonderful If I taste the single malt whisky on my own on my terms watching sexy men in kilt. Time was ripe to double strike something from my bucket list, SCOTLAND.

When I was waiting for National Express in Luton Parkway airport in the chilly night there was a million dollar smile on my face. Traveling alone on my own, something which I always wanted to do and the confidence bubbling up I thought I am gonna burst open like beer bottle, spilling all my happiness.

“Dont worry, you will meet some old couple, you can hang around with them on your tour”. My land lady, Indian, was telling me when I was zipping my jacket. If I would told my parents that I am going to Scotland they would have knelt and prayed to all angles and saints for a sweet encounter with a man for their daughter who wont listen to marriage talk. And here was lady consoling me other way. And why on heaven sake I want to waste my time with old couple. I may not be pretty, may be my teeth are not like pomegranate seeds , eyes doesnt twinkle like stars, and walk is not all graceful but wait a minute I am straight like electronic city flyover.I will defiantly look for a fling with a man. Followed by long walk on highland in the night after a drink like a normal functioning woman. I chuckled pitying the lady. She might be in UK for more than 10 years but her mentality is still narrow like food pipe. Dont be supportive but at least don’t kill my spirit I wanted to shout from top of my voice.”Indian and their bloody mentality “.

“Did you say something” she raised her eyes. “Oh dear!!nothing” I said .

Getting into the waiting cab I smile remembering my colleague saying “So what you didn’t find English man, Defiantly you will find Scottish man. Imagine he on his own and you on your own.” Saying he winked at me. I giggled showing my crossed fingers and said “yeah buddy, you are a true friend” I was already imagining my faceless groom in kilt. Optimistic, that’s what I was.

At 12 when I changed my bus in Milton Keys my spirit hit rock bottom. People had occupied all seats either to sleep or to keep they luggage . It was 12 in night and I felt It is rude to wake them up, you see it was UK. I took two rounds still wondering where to sit, when I saw a glow at the back I walked back saw a guy smiling at his Tab. “Can I sit here PLEASE!” smiling at his tab he vacated the other seat. My heart shaped red baloon, which was flying high moment earlier was falling down. Groom who was in knilt was running away from me without his kilt, butt naked.

Next day morning when I walked on the Edinburgh street I was smiling. Pulling my trolley bag, taking left and then right ans then lost I was happy to be my own in March’s morning wind was chilling me out. I felt rejuvenated walking on those beautiful street. I was already head over heals in love with Scotland.

Finally when I reached the hostel where i was staying I was breathless climbing those steps but when my eyes fell on magnificent, Edinburgh castle I was like og my goodness why i haven’t born here. Staying just outside the castle how fancy! May be finally my lucky stars start to glow with dim light. Finally god was listening somebody’s prayer.

The hostel was awesome. You can find  tourist from all around the world staying there, you have common bathrooms, kitchen, TV room, lot many books for the book bugs like me, snooker table, internet room….you dont have to stay in fancy hotel to sip beauty of Scotland. Try to be there on Thursday night as they have PC, not private computer but Pub Crawl, dont forget to take your Id card, like dumb ass like me.

As I walked into my room I was so taken back. It was just I saw the big wall women and men demolished. I dont know why first thing I remember was my dad. If he would have known that I am on my own in Scotland, staying on hostel room shared by men and women I wondered how he would have reacted. “Archie, you need to see other side of the world. It might be different but its colorfull and awesome, trust me”.

After having sad continental breakfast I thought its time to hit the streets.Taking a map from the counter I was walking, drinking the beauty of Edinburgh. In my solace google map was being my sweet heart directing me when to take left and right. For a lazy bum that i am who doesnt move her ass anywhere I was proud of myself walking on strange streets on my own. I was falling in love, this time with myself.

St Giles Cathedral

I tried peeping but no luck

Isn’t it magnificent?Street of Edinburgh

That’s the Smith guy

That’s the Calton Hill

I love to admire the tourist show casing all their poses

And there is no end to the poses, they are just infinite

Oh yeah, that dork is me. When you are on your own only thing you will miss is your photo in right angle especially if you are not not selfie expert like me.

  Still suck. I suck at selfie, looks like I can never master the art

This time new poses:)

No one will dare to disturb you when you are in deep discussion

To be continued