Posts Tagged ‘LOVE That Has No End’

LOVE That Has No End 13

Posted: November 27, 2015 in STORY
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I lost my last ray of hope. I looked strong but from inside I was wailing, weeping. I stopped the bike near her house, she didn’t get down from bike immediately she still sat there and slowly laid her head on my shoulder. I sat there motionless fighting with my emotions, feelings, my tears.

After a while when I couldn’t take the torture anymore I said slowly “Go josh go, find your happiness and don’t worry about me. It shouldn’t trouble you whether I find someone or not because you don’t love me” . I knew she was weeping but I had to be rude. She got down and started walking towards her home. I sat nd watched her walk taking all the happiness, love and joy from my life, with her.

That’s how we stopped spending time together. Now we occasionally we chat ,sometimes when I have urge to see I go to her house and spend some time and come. Somehow even she misses me, I tell her how much I miss her but she never tells me.

                                                   *******************************

I saw the watch on the bed clock, 5.00PM it will like any other night when I have to live with no night sleep. With Hazel starting her new life in Pune with mom and Iyan I feel left alone in this crowded Mumbai. The girl I loved wants me to move on and here I am recalling my past like, every fucking moment. I checked the gallery in my phone there she was smiling at the camera, first woman I love so dearly and unconditionally. There are some lucky days like today when she calls to say hello. When she does I feel like king of my castle.

Few days back I asked her if she loves me again; I am a stubborn man I don’t easily let things go specially the woman I adore so dearly. I knew her answer but saying no she confirmed it . I tried to talk to her about giving a chance to Kevin because he is a really nice guy. I still love her and I will do till my last breath; after all she is my first love. I don’t know about future whether my story will end with a happy ending with her in my arms forever but I don’t care. I want her to be happy, If her happiness is being with Kevin or any other guy then be it. I will console myself saying I lost her someone more deserving than me.

I traced the finger around her smiling face on my phone and closed my eyes for so called my sleep.

                                                                     THE END

LOVE That Has No End 12

Posted: November 26, 2015 in STORY
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After 40 days, between all these worries my nephew was christened,Iyan we called him. As my sister didn’t want it to be grand it was a small function. Abel stood by my sister when the ceremony took place with all smiles on his face. Joshna was there too with her family. In that purple salwar she looked very beautiful. Every time I looked at Carmen my sisters torn clothes came in front of my eyes and Josh smiling face. When I couldn’t keep my eyes open, I shut them tightly.

My mom was worried about my sisters and Iyan’s future so she decided to talk to Abel’s family members after the function. When mom told Abel’s family what he had done they were not shocked and that amazed my mom and sister. Its then I realized he must have done similar things in the past. And for such a bastard my sister had to be the prey. During this family talk we came to know many things about Abel. In the past he had several affairs with girls, some even married women, many maids had left the job because of his loose behavior. I didn’t care about his past there was my sister who was just 27 and my nephew who was 45 days old. His family members begged to give him a final chance as he is a father now this might change him .Little they knew an animal is always an animal. Abel wept and said he will take care of my sister and Iyan. My sister was not convinced but she wanted to give a try for her son after all kids need family.

After one month with heavy heart I and my mom dropped my sister and Iyan at Abel’s place. I hugged her tightly and said “You don’t have to tell mom but remember one call and I will be here, you don’t have to worry about day or time”, saying that with heavy heart I kissed her on forehead and walked away with mom.

As my sister had quit job she was bored at home. To kill the time she used to go to the park beside the building with Iyan. The women from building used to feel sorry for her. They also told her about his affair with his neighbour girl who was a minor. He used to take that girl to his friends place and have physical relation with her. We didn’t realize he could fall for such a low level.

When Hazel got to know that Abel was still having an affair with the minor girl she called me. I went to meet her with mom with firm determination that she will be coming back with us. We filed a police complaint against him and got my sister and Iyan back. Even after that Abel’s family member insisted on having family talk. It looked funny to me, they wanted to have a family talk while whole family was torn into pieces. No matter how much he cried and begged we didn’t send Hazel back to that hell.

My sister wept for her father, wept for son, she wept for her broken marriage. Every time she walked out people would ask “When you’re are going back to your husband’s place?”. She was tired, tired of her life and this freaking society. She applied for a job in Pune and moved there with mom. I stayed back in Mumbai, I had so many things attached to my heart. As my mom and sister were aware of Joshna they didn’t say anything against her. She had told me once “Alan, she is nice girl. Don’t let this family crap tangle you”.

The decision was up to me I wanted the time to show mercy on me.

By now the misunderstanding between me and her dad had been cleared. He was close to me and I was his favorite. Whenever he felt like talking he gave me a call.

I had hopes but Josh was again giving me signal she and I cant be together. Sometimes she would say “find a girl and move on, we can’t be together”. I didn’t care and started to spend most of my time with her. I knew her friends, her colleagues, and even their bithdays. I knew her playlist and which song she likes to what’s going in her mind. We had this connection one look at her and I know what she’s thinking. May be thats whay we were inseperable.

Everything was going fine except her wanting me to move on. We used to chat late nights meet often. Talk all possible shit. It was her birthday 2014 June 16 , she went out with her aunt, there was her wedding topic came , one of her cousin suggested my name but her aunt and all said not to mention my name again. Tuss, I was the closed chapter which her family members never cared to open again

On her birthday night I planned to surprise her. To make sure she is at home I called her dad and he said its right time to come over. When I rang the bell expecting her dad to open the door, I was surprised to see there was no response. I waited patiently ringing the bell. I could hear someone unlatching the door. I pushed it open and could hear Joshna saying “will be with you in 5 minutes, make yourself home”. I smiled, luck was on my side. In little time I got I was able to fill the hall with heart shaped red balloons. When she came out in her puffy bath robe, her curly hair tied up, few drops of water on her face I lost my tongue. She then saw the balloons floating around in the light of the candle and smiled at me, yes that killer smile. I gave her a tight hug, kissed her forehead and wished her all happiness. The feeling, emotions, of that day are still alive with me till date.

Soon it was my birthday she preponed my birthday a week before as I was travelling to Singapore for youth conference. When I came back from Singapore I got a ring for her. How I wanted to kneel in front of her and ask her to marry me and put the ring, my wish never came true, I was scared that she will say no and stop talking to me, mercilessly killing our friendship.

When my mom came from Pune to visit me Josh came to meet her. My mom knew something’s wrong between us she knew that I was madly in love with Josh. To my surprise she didn’t hesitate, she welcomed Josh with open arms. Once Josh left, she asked me if she should speak to Carmen about the allience,I said no even though I wanted to say yes. How lucky I felt at that moment to have a mom like mine understanding, supporting and loving.

Days passed and Josh started to avoid me. I couldn’t understand her behavior. I wanted to meet and talk about it but she was not ready to bring up the issue. She used to avoid my every question with “you should move on and I don’t want to talk about it”

She believed she has to stop talking with me so that I could move, we tried couple of times but we couldn’t. I never understood why she doesn’t want to give a try with me.

When I couldn’t take her silent torture I went to meet her. I told her how I feel about her I am sure she already knew about it. She didn’t tell how she feels but kept on saying “find a girl and move on”. Once I lost my calm and shouted pointing out at her “See I found a girl but she doesn’t let me move on with her”. For which she hugged me tight and said “Not me my dumbo…different girl”.

don’t do this to us” I whispered in her ears. Her tears had soaked my shirt where she laid her head on my chest.

We cant be together Alan, Not now not ever” all she said and sobbed. I just held her close crying with her for the love I felt for her which I can never brand.

I was devastated but I didn’t want to give up my 9 years love just like that. So I decided to take some guidance from my friend Ryan ,a priest. Starting Josh looked hesitant but after lots of convincing she agreed to meet Father Ryan. We three sat in his office, he directly asked her whether she loves me or not. She looked at the priest and said “I am sure I don’t love him”. I knew she was lying may be Even Ryan felt the same thing so he asked her again whether she is saying no because of the family complication or because of her past. Without blinking her eyes she repeated her answer with firm voice “I am sure I don’t love him”. Is this the same girl who was telling me to find a girl and move on? Why she wanted me to find a girl and move on when she didn’t love me? I want to scream at her but instead I said “I dont know what is love but I know I understand her and she understands me .We use silence as our mode of communication. She doesn’t have to tell me what she is feeling one look at her and I know. I trust her and I think even she too trusts me, I care for her and she cares for me. According to me that is love”. There was silence for a while. I could feel her restlessness “ I care for him but I don’t love him I am sure about my feelings” she repeated, I could see her tears in her eyes. Father Ryan looked at us and said ”In this case you guys should stop spending with each other, it’s going to be very hard “. Did I do the right thing consulting the priest no, I wanted to bang my head to the wall. Instead of convincing the girl here he was telling us to go separate ways. Priest I tell you!!!

                                                                                                                   To Be Continued

LOVE That Has No End 11

Posted: November 24, 2015 in STORY
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Seasons changed and time moved, by now I was gone away from her life and Kevin was getting close to Josh. I still don’t know which thing pushed Josh over the edge, Austin’s insecurity, his over possessiveness or her mother’s concern for her. Finally one good day Josh broke up with Austin. Josh emotional need, rift in my sister’s married life all the problems were cooking my brain for a feast. Many times I was tempted to pack my bags and get lost in the world of stranger.

When my sister became more suspicious about my mom’s strange behavior around Abel she spoke to her friend who happens to be priest. She told him about mom’s strange behavior with Abel. She was sure he must have done something to her. Priest called her and asked her to meet personally. When she went to meet the priest first thing she told was “don’t tell anything to Hazel”. Weeping she narrated the whole incident to the priest.One day as usual Abel came to visit Hazel and she was in the kitchen. she was busy cooking for Hazel when Abel came from behind and grabbed her , his groping was the raw proof of his lust. Somehow she pushed him and ran to safety of bathroom. She locked the door and wept quietly as she didn’t want to worry her already sick daughter. She wept thinking what kind of animal her daughter got married to. Priest consoled her saying “Be strong Helen, I know you have suffered a lot but be strong, don’t give up, god is with you. Hazel already assumed he must have done something to you. So don’t worry by not telling you are not protecting anyone.

That night my mom spoke to my sister about it. Both hugged and cried I sat there burning with hatred, disgust towards Abel. The man was worse than the animal. I was hurt that mom even didn’t consider of telling me. May be she had her reasons I consoled myself.

Priest had advised mom to confront Abel and record the whole conversation. When Abel came next time my mom and sister confronted him but he denied. How I wanted to get from my chair and beat that guy. My hands itched, my blood boiled, my male ego roared but I waited. He went on denying all the accusation in the beginning but agreed to all at the end saying my mom was the one who made the first move. If my mom and sister didn’t have caught me by arm I would have murdered that mentally sick psycho right there. How dare he was to accuse my mom.

I wanted destruction to save myself from doing something wrong. Every time I thought about Abel I lost my calm, I tried my level best to suppress my anger. I Joined GYM worked out for 2 to 3 hours but still there was my mind loitering every corner of Able’s street. So to save myself I started chatting in our what’s app group. As Josh was free from her obligation she ignored my flirty blows. Dominic and Joshua didn’t mind because they knew I am not serious. But Kevin started to act absurd, I felt something is not right. As I was busy with my family problem Kevin was the one who used to spend most of his time with Josh. They both were getting closer but I was sure that Josh will never fall for Kevin. It was Kevin I was not sure about. He knew how much I loved Josh and still love her, he also knew that we both can’t be together because of fucked up family problems.

December 2013 Josh went to Mangalore to attend her cousin’s wedding. Before she left I went to see her. We talked for a while then she held my hand looked into my eyes and said

Your friend needs you“.

I was confused wondering she herself is the friend she is talking about. Unknowing there was this small fountain rising higher and higher in my heart. So I touched her arm and said “You can tell me now, I am here”. She laughed so loudly it echoed in my head and I loved it. Wiping tears from edge of her eyes she said “Not me, Kevin needs you, talk to him”. I asked with surprise ”why , what happened to him?”. “Just talk to him” she said. I didn’t like the uneasy feeling that was building up, my fountain of energy dead already, I went to meet Kevin.

He tried to smile when he saw me but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. He was my friend since childhood so I knew something was wrong. I asked him what happened .He looked away and said nothing. I said I can read him through his eyes and he is not alright. I waited hoping he shouldn’t say anything which will tear my heart apart. When he realized I wont give up that easily. He told not naming the girl that he asked the girl out but she said she is not ready. It didn’t take long to realize he was talking about Josh. Some stranger falling for the girl you love dearly is understandable but your close friend falling for your girl is painful to bear. I didn’t know what to say but if both liked each other then who am I to come in between. I gave him hope told him may be girl is not ready and to give her some time.

Josh was back from Mangalore, I met her in our usual spot, the park. I tried to convince her saying all good things about Kevin.. She has right to be happy she needs to move on. If Kevin is the guy she is choosing then be it, I was ready to climb the steps to gallous.

She then told me Kevin proposed her in May 2013 soon after her and Austin’s breakup which Kevin didn’t tell me. In December before she left for Mangalore again he proposed her she said clearly it’s no and to stop pestering her.

I tried my best to convince Josh because I felt she has to settle without me ; I had no hope and Kevin was a good guy. I tried to convince her again praising Kevin and to give him a chance.

For her stubbornness I lost my convincing power.

I didn’t give up in January 2014 on chat I told her to think about Kevin. I don’t know whether I hit her saturation point because she replied saying “Alan you know right you and I can’t be together”. Did she just talk about herself and me? that too being together? Did I hear correct?. I was confused and failed to understand what she really meant. How many times I tried to analyze what she really meant. Fearing If I point out she will end our friendship I kept that sentence roam freely in my mind.

It was February and valentine’s day was round the corner. I made big collage of her pics . One evening I met her after work in our usual spot and gave her the collage before valentine’s day. She smiled seeing so many pictures of her and said it’s beautiful. Even though she liked it she didn’t take it with her.

On Feb 14, 2014 she came to my home and I lost my tongue seeing her at my door step. Dressed in red color top and black skirt she looked smoky hot to me. Her straighten hair was coming back to its curls and she looked old Josh to me. Happy I was but confused as well we were supposed to go for dinner me Josh Kevin , Dominic and Joshua. We were supposed to go together but me and Josh left before anyone could join us. Seated in light of candles all I could see was her. So before anyone could join us I told her which I should have told year’s ago.I looked into her eyes and said “I LOVE YOU”. She smiled mercilessly killing me again with her eyes, patted my cheek with her tender finger and said “I know Alan, I know”. She didn’t repeat those same words, she didn’t hug me or kiss me but I knew by then yes, she loves me too. She didn’t have to say her eyes poured her heart to me. I felt I am the happiest man on earth .

                                                                     To Be Continued

LOVE That Has No End 10

Posted: November 17, 2015 in STORY
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After 7 months of bed rest when finally my sister delivered a tiny, underweight baby boy . She fought the life for him, for her baby; she was a real fighter. Even though baby was under weight, he was doing fine. I stood and watched my sister holding her baby close to heart with tears in her eyes,admiring that little wailing creature .Motherhood may be every women long to experience I felt. Gray clouds were finally clearing out for my sister.

Austin proved me right, he was an over possessive, self-centered guy. He didn’t like Josh spending time with us, especially me. His demand to know her whereabouts every single minute started getting into Josh nerves. I chuckled seeing his insecurity; if he could he would have kept Josh under survivalence 24/7.

There was parish camp in Goa, we all were excited to go to and she had to take Austin’s permission. As if they are already married and she is reporting her daily activity to him. It was painful especially for me to see her suffer. When Austin flew his red flag saying no she was very sad. When Joshua said he wont go unless she come, she was forced to pack her bags. Before even she could set her bags in the hotel room there was Austin phone call demanding answers for his questions what she is doing , where is she and whom she is with.

Joshua couldn’t see his sister’s torment. He looked at me with concern and said “its better you talk some sense into her, I am tired of telling her, she wont listen to me”. I wanted to tell him no but again she was the woman I loved. I know it won’t do any good to me but I was willing to risk my peace of mind for her sake.

While the tourists were enjoying sea shore in Goa’s beautiful beach I sat on sand talking to Joshna; trying to be her good friend with my feelings for her masked by my smile. She just sat there next to me watching the people take dip in water. When I realized she is not going to talk I knew I have to be the one to hit hornets’ nest. I asked her “are you happy”?

She chuckled and said “When was the last time you saw me smile?”

I turned so that I could look directly into her eyes and said “When you were with me……..”

Taking silence as her shield she continued admiring the people enjoying water

Freedom, understanding, respect, trust, love, care you need them in proportion; neither more nor less. If the proportion varies then the relationship is not healthy. I have seen my sister living in hell ,I don’t want the same thing happen to you; think about it” saying that I made a run to the tempting water not waiting for her but sure as hell she will.

She didn’t listen to me like always; stubborn as mule she was. It was difficult to click a pic with her even in a group. We literally have to pull her close and force her to stand. Austin knew her all passwords and would check whenever he feels like. There was no space, no privacy for Josh. We came back from Goa and Austin came back from Dubai to check on Josh. He met me, it was a formal meeting. Looked like he wanted to see who the guy with whom his girlfriend spends her most of the time. He even didn’t like Dominic and Kevin I couldn’t understand him. I could see Joshna’s smile again holding Austin’s hand and I thought may be my doubts were baseless. Even though I was trembling inside I was happy because she was happy.

Joshna and I were still good friends, even though she was committed. I made sure nothing came between our friendship. We used to chat on social network about the day to day activity. One day I told her lets go for movie on Social network knowing her answer will be no. This time she paused for a while before saying no. She was tempted I was sure, all I had to do was push her little bit and she will say yes. I said “we’ll book corner seat for me and you; let Dominic, Joshua and Kevin sit together. It was a joke and she knew it. Joshua hate sitting with Kevin and Dominic, she knew it, and her simlies on the chat was proof of her smile on her face.

Next day there was a surprise waiting for me in the social site. I was trying to message Josh and bingo I couldn’t find her, I was blocked!! I called Josh, and she was surprised too. She didn’t have to explain me anything; I understood everything, son of a gun. I wanted to talk to Joshna but I chose silence. After few days again I got friend request from her I accepted thinking may be the love birds had a long chat. We chatted as usual that day thinking everything resolved. But I was proved wrong very next day when again I was blocked. When I told this to Josh she kept quiet looking serious as if she had to make some right decision. Expression on her face was clearly explaining how she hated Austin dictating her life. Next day she sent the friend request this time I didn’t accept.

Hazel was having tough time with Abel and here Josh had tough time with Austin. Two ladies I cared about were having tough time and all I could do is just watch and talk when it’s unbearable to see them in despair. In middle of all this Austin decided to come down to Mumbai to meet her. Her mom didn’t like his unplanned visit from Bahrain, she was well aware of his insecurities.

After his departure, due to late night fights over the phone, Austin lack of trust on Joshna got into depression. As Carmen couldn’t see his daughter weep, she decided to go to Bahrain with her sister as she wanted to talk to the Austin personally. As Carmen’s cousin was staying in Bahrain she thought what she had to loose, she can give a try for her daughter’s sake. When Austin got to know about Carmen’s visit, he went to meet her. Carmen wanted to talk to him alone but she never got the chance. Its then Austin invited her to his house along with her sister Edna. So Carmen along with her sister Edna went to his place. To make the matter worse his parents talked about Josh and Austin wedding which she was not expecting. As she wanted to discuss the issue with Austin she hadn’t told to her sister. There she was caught up between the scissors. To play safe she just told her she is not sure and her daughter is still young. She never got the chance to talk to Austin alone. She came back to India wondering about her daughter’s future.

When I realized Joshna might marry Austin I started to maintain distance with Josh. I had stopped meeting her because I didn’t want any misunderstanding to raise between her and Austin because of me. I also didn’t want to be that shoulder on which she can lay her head and cry. I was so much in love with her it hurt me to see her with other guy.

                                                                                        To Be Continued

LOVE That Has No End 9

Posted: November 13, 2015 in STORY
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Joshna left me many messages, she even tried to call me but I didn’t want to talk to her.There was lot of tension between Pinto family and Hegdae family. I wept in silent night for my sister and I wept for the woman I love so dearly.

Unfortunately or fortunately my sister was pregnant again. My mother was worried how she will handle the situation in this condition. Doctor put on medication but was useless. Whatever she used to eat she used to vomit. Even though she was on complete bed rest her condition worsen instead of improving. When my mom couldn’t see her suffering she said “let’s go for checkup Hazel…”. But she smiled and said “no need mom, I am doing lot better. But still mom insisted on the check up and took her to famous hospital. Doctor found that her fetus was dead months back and she have to go for DnC. My sister cried continuously for 2 days. A mother never want to lose her baby no matter how bad situation she is in, that’s what I realized seeing my sister.

After few days Abel came home to meet my sister along with his mother. Even though my sister didn’t want to go he convinced her that he is a changed man, who wouldn’t believe him when he vowed on the bible. I didn’t want my sister to go with him. She will suffer again I could feel it in my bones but when my mom agreed I doubted my mom’s decision. Sometimes being the last one so much painful, nobody wants to listen to what you have to say.

Hazel got pregnant for 3rd time and this time she quit the job. She was bit worried though about full time mental harassment and abuse. As if could my mom understood her dilemma she bought her home after third month. She was advised to complete bed rest. Mom and I made sure she was relaxed and had her food on time. We never let her out of our sight.

I still remember, it was October, I went to northeast, Nagaland for youth conference. My mom was alone with Hazel at home. I was gone for couple of weeks but I used to call home every day and mom used to update me about everything. Abel used to come to see my sister at my house, whenever he felt like seeing her, like a real caring husband. Even though I wanted to stop him mom told me to keep quiet, she wanted a calm surrounding for my sister. North East green mountains, tribal history tempted me to forget about everything back at home but I was still worried for my sister.

When his visits became regular my mom was all tensed seeing him. My sister was suspicious about my mom’s behavior when she was around Abel, she tried to talk to mom but mom took silence as her companion. But somehow Hazel was sure it was something to do with Abel.

She had made up her mind that she won’t give up on the baby. What more he can do? He had tortured sexually, physically and emotionally. There was nothing left with which he could make her scare.

I was back from northeast with new wonderful experiences. My sister was doing well, my mom looked tensed and she started acting absurd. I thought maybe she is worried about Hazel so I didn’t pressurize her.

I went to see love of my life trying to forget everything. With her cream color shorts she looked adorable to me. I was still dazzling in her beauty when she drop the bomb on me.She met this guy Austin on social network whom she knew since she was a kid. Austin, that’s what she said his name is, now moved to BAHRAIN and is working in bank. I didn’t like the way she was telling me about this Austin guy with blush on her face but I sat on bench listening to her. She said he proposed her and waited to see my reaction. I jumped and told her to say no because she hardly know him, people change with time and social media is not enough to know a person. If she really liked this guy she should give herself sometime. I poured all my convincing skills with fake hope she wont open the door to heart to anyone else.

She looked at me with those innocent eyes, smiled sweetly, ignited the match stick to the leaked petrol and said “I said Yes”.

There I was standing and watching her restraining my emotions to reflect on my face. One minute I see a slight possibility and next minute the possibility is gone, burnt with somebody else happiness. I showed my smiling face, I was happy for her, at least I pretended to be.

He was in Bahrain and she was here in Mumbai. Few times he had come down to meet her; she felt she did the right thing by saying yes to him. This time she even went a step ahead, told her parents and updated her relationship status. While her friends hit the “Like” button I was sinking in my sorrow.

                                                                             To Be Continued(without delay….)

LOVE That Has No End 8

Posted: November 12, 2015 in STORY
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I looked at the clock hung on the wall, when it told me its time I go to bed I turned off the TV and walked to my room. Sleep was far away I knew it. To be merciful on my nerves I poured royal stag and added few ice cubes from the fridge. Sour part was yet to begin and who was in hurry ? Obviously not me, sleep never been in my favor lately. I kept the glass on the stand near the bed and sat on the bed leaning my head against the wall. I took a sip and let the merciless liquid flow on my still bleeding wounds.

**********************

Few days later when Hazel came home she looked at me and said “You like her don’t you?”. As I didn’t want to answer her I just ignored her question and started asking about her new life, but then I didn’t have to answer because she already knew my answer. She said “She is a nice girl ……”. As I looked at my sister I felt something is wrong. I pulled her close so that I can see her more closely but she walked away. I blocked her path and said “why I feel something is wrong. Tell me what happened”. My sister laughed at me “What is wrong with what? I am happy, cant you see my everlasting smile?” saying she gave her one of her best smile. I was not convinced and said “Is he…”. My mom interrupted and said “Stop it, stop doubting, everyone is not like your father. She said right she’s happy. If something is bothering her she will tell. Don’t you darling?” .My mom looked at her and she nodded saying yes. It would have put my moms doubts to rest for definatly mine. My sister was hiding something from us.

Years passed, Joshna and I got closer not caring the weather and seasons. She found me around when she needed me and I found her close by when I wanted a warm shoulder to lean on. I dropped her many times to her college and her friends knew me by “Josh close friend” unfortunately not her boyfriend. She wanted to know about my father but when I didn’t say anything she understood the silent answer and never asked me about my father again. Days passed and everything was working according to my plan. All I had to do was impress Hitler’s elder brother and I will live happy ever after with my princess if the princess agrees.

Little I knew peoples happiness is short lived, one cant be happy for long time. One morning when we were least expecting Hazel came home crying with her bags all packed, there were bruises all over her face. She hugged mom and burst into fresh tears. When she was bit relaxed she started narrating the hell she is going through. “He is a cannibal, he’s moody. He is weird .First time he blasted me on our honeymoon. I thought may be I did something and made him angry. We came back and it happened again.” she wiped her tears “He doesn’t respect his mother, he calls her bitch. And and….”…her voice was trembling and my hands automatically tuned into fist. I thought I am going to lose my calm which I never did. I never imagined there will be one more ass hole in my family after my father but I was wrong. Eclipse was already on my family. I took deep breaths, I needed to be calm. I counted and counted and lost the count. I looked at my sister who was crying in my mothers arms

Why didn’t you tell us all this before”.

I thought I could manage but not anymore mom, I cant”.

My mom hugged her tightly and cried with her. How I wanted to beat the shit out of that bastard.

In between of all this mess Josh’s short time boy friend was getting married. On his wedding only I knew Josh would need someone’s shoulder to lean on and I wanted to be that shoulder. No matter how short period you were in relationship with someone, when that someone commits for the lifelong your strong laid foundation shakes to the waves. I wanted to be there when she needed someone. We went for a long walk that day, walking side by side without saying a word. She was sad as anyone would but she showed her brave face but deep inside she was hurt and I could see.

Hazel stayed with us for a while. But when society people started asking question about staying in mother’s place after marriage she decided to return to her husband’s house hoping he must have changed. How I begged her to stay with us and not to go. My mother went to drop her and talk to Abel. He promised my mother that he will take care of her. My mom left her in her husband’s place with heavy heart.

Every day we were worried about her. Even though she called us and assured that she is doing fine we didn’t believe her. It was not even one week when one morning she knocked our door. Dark circles under her eyes were the proof of her sleepless nights. There were new bruises on her face; her scalp was visible in some places. I boiled with fury; I hit the wall with anger. How I wanted to kill the bastard for hurting my sister again.

She almost collapsed on the sofa in the hall as soon as she entered the house. She was in shock, she could hardly talk. Her voice was all stammering. We let her sleep for a while but she got up screaming from her sleep. She screamed “Please don’t, don’t hurt me, please”. When she realized it is mom she hugged her tightly and cried “I am not going back to him mom, don’t let me go. I beg you mom, don’t send me.” She opened her bag and pulled out piece of torn cloth and threw it on the floor. Explanation was unnecessary for everything that small torn piece of cloth told the whole story. My eyes were flooded with tears for I loved my only sister more than anything; it was hard to see her so miserable, so distress.

My sister wiped her tears from back of her hand and said “two days after the wedding Abel’s brother and sister had a small meeting in one room. Even though I was in different room with kids I could hear them clearly lecturing him to change his life style, he married a nice girl and to take care of her nicely and not to treat her like the way he treats their mother. I didn’t understand then what they meant “change your old life style”. I sat there in another room with kids wondering what’s future is surprising me with.

I still remember the day because it was the first time he fought with me. 4TH day after marriage we were suppose to leave for honeymoon in the morning. But previous night he left the house for a party leaving me alone and telling me to iron his clothes. Just for 5 days of honeymoon they were too many clothes but I didn’t say anything, I ironed them and packed his bag. There was this weird hat which I felt he might not need it so I didn’t pack it. At 4 AM he came drunk, I just opened the door for him without saying anything. He didn’t even bother to change his clothes, slept as he came. That morning I was getting ready and he saw the cap not packed. Suddenly he started shouting at me saying why on earth I didn’t pack his hat. He started blasting saying who told you to use your brains? Do how much you have been told. Even though I felt bad I didn’t say anything, I got ready but still he was not ready wearning those same liquor reeking clothes. I just told him to hurry up as it is getting late. He blasted at me what your standing and ordering do something .There was nothing I could do so I started praying so that we don’t miss our bus. On honeymoon he was holding this glass bowl, the way he was holding I knew it he’s going to drop it so I told him to be careful. Ultimately he dropped the glass blaming me because I told it will fall and it fell. It took me long to understand my marriage to this guy was a nightmare which I have to live every day. He never took blame for his mistake. It was only 4 weeks of my marriage and I already started to hate it.

We came home after that terrible honeymoon. As I was tired I got up late that Saturday and his mother prepared the breakfast, paav and salami. He got up around noon and started fighting with his mother as soon as he saw the breakfast on dining table saying its Saturday supposed to be good breakfast. I was again shocked to see his outburst. He ordered me to prepare chapathi for him and I obeyed him without questioning. His mother was upset but again he didn’t care. I was happy thinking the breakfast issue has been solved but I was very wrong. He made me sit with him and ordered me to have chapathi while his mother ordered me to have paav and salami. Torn between two people I chose my husband and had chapathi. His mother didn’t like it though. Even though it was her son’s mistake she decided to take out her frustration on me. I tried talking to her saying you know your son, what I am supposed to do, I am new to this house, and I don’t know whose side to choose. She agreed that it was her son’s mistake and then the old lady started complaining about her son. My sister paused for a while and said “he calls his own mother with abusive names. I was shocked in the beginning but then it became a routine. There was not a single day when he didn’t fight with me. After few weeks of marriage I was in depression, I was supposed to be happy and smiling but no, my blood pressure was high. One morning when the routine fight started I fainted, I couldn’t take it anymore. Family doctor who diagnosed was confused how I had high BP. I looked at my husband and kept quiet I am sure nobody in right mind would marry off their daughter to men like him. Days passed and the fights never stopped, they went on like nonstop Rajdhani express, without stop, fight for umbrealla, fight for ironing, and fight for every damn thing. I thought at least in public he would behave but no, he fights with auto driver, vegetable vendors, and fish mongers.

I was surprised how the old lady could bear all this pain. One day she got mild heart attack and we took her to the hospital. I don’t know what made the doctor do my health checkup as well. I prayed to god, prayed that I didn’t conceive but my fate was already decided. I was pregnant, only my mother-in-law was happy. I wasn’t happy; I have to go through the hell anyhow, why the small innocent baby should go through same pain. I hated my life, I hated my husband and there I was with his unborn child. Abel told me to quit the job so that I rest well but I didn’t. I didn’t want to spend a second more in the hell more than its necessary. I didn’t inform anyone in the office as I didn’t want to. During second month it started to bleed heavily. I was scared; I didn’t know what to do. As I didn’t want to worry you so I didn’t tell you. I googled and got to know it’s dangerous, I have to see a doctor right away. I booked a cab and went to see my family doctor he told me to show it to gynecologist. I sat there on the bench outside the doctor’s clinic holding the sonography reports in my trembling hand. Doctor looked at my reports and said I had a miscarriage. I cried, I lost my first baby mom, you know how hard it is?. I was bit happy though at least my baby was saved from this miserable life. I told Abel about my miscarriage and he blamed me saying I was ignorent. How I wanted to tell him that because of his mental torture and harassment I lost the baby”. She sobbed while I looked at my mom, she was alredy broken I could feel it. But she didnt utter a word instead she held Hazel in her arms.

Days passed with his regular fights, Abusive words, his mother was having health issues but he never cared. One day we had been out visiting some of our relatives. On the way back he fought with me in the bus. I guess that was the first time I didn’t budge. He got down from the bus in the next stop without informing me and started walking. Somehow I stop the bus and got down.Abel walked leaving me alone in the empty street at night 11 O clock. Somehow I managed to reach home on my own. I was angry my patience had reached its saturation point. As soon as I reached home I asked him how can he leave a woman, his wife alone in empty street? I looked straight into his eyes and said “I am tired, if you continue to do this I am going to leave you, your miserable house”. He looked at me for minute and then like a cruel animal started tearing up my clothes, my top, and my inner garments everything and made naked in fraction of second. While I cried begged to stop he stood there and looked at me with satisfaction of his work and said “you want to leave, leave now. You are free to go …….” I was in shock and couldn’t digest that my own husband did this to me. I cried but tears didn’t come. I wrapped myself in bed sheet and slept on the floor, I felt so vulnerable mom, and I never want to go back to him”. Ending her story she huddled herself into mothers arms. Those torn bits of clothes were still in her bag. She said “I am never going to throw them away, that will remind me every single minute what an animal I married to.”

When I couldn’t see my sister so helpless, shaken to the core, I walked to the table and hit the glass vase to the floor. My blood was boiling, I had to hit something or else I would have murdered that son of **

My sister was sleeping finally when my mom called Carmen and said “I treated you like my sister and you cheated on me”. Carmen said she was not aware of Abel’s true behavior. But when my mom said “But your sister knew it and you say you don’t know”. Carmen still said “No Helen, trust me I would never hide such things from you…”. My mother just banged the receiver to its base bursting into tears. First she saw her husband took her for granted and now the most trusted friend ruined her daughter’s life. No matter how many times Carmen said she was not aware of Abel’s character my mom believes that Carmen knew to certain extent.

                                                                                                 To Be Continued(without delay….)

LOVE That Has No End 7

Posted: November 11, 2015 in STORY
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When my mom was worried thinking about my sister’s marriage Carmen came up with proposal of her cousin Abel, who was also looking for a bride. I was against it because it will reduce my chance with Josh. With Carmen acting as an intermediate my mom never even thought about enquiring more about the guy. Who can be suspicious about the guy who left his job in Dubai to take care of his mother back in Bombay. Everyone including my sister liked that guy. I still remember it was October when my sister first met him. He seemed to be in hurry to marry my sister. Who wouldn’t be in hurry to marry such a nice girl like my sister Hazel. She never even once raised her voice, never fought back. One minute we were talking about marriage and in blink of eyes it was January and my sister got married. As we didn’t have any spinster in my family Hazel requested Joshna to be her bride’s maid. I was angry, I was furious some stranger will steal my chance to dance with woman I madly love. On wedding day I stood holding snacks plate in my hand and watching them dance. My hands itched to prick the guy’s eyes with the fork. When I felt my control slipping away I counted 1 to 100 in reverse order, it didn’t help . By then I had walked to the dancing couple and stood like an alpha male with eye brows raised. The best man looked at Joshna then at me, and then walked away with knowing smile. I held her close to my heart moving with rhythm of music to the waltz. I wanted to seize the day for now, for tomorrow and for many days after that. I walked back to my seat without saying anything lost in my world.

I was glad to see my sister smile. I prayed that her smile remains forever. Abel held my sister hand throughout the ceremony. I was sure whether he will keep her happy but I hoped that he will keep her happy. She deserved it, after a miserable childhood and all hardships she went through, it was her right to be happy. My mom was never-bursting bubble, talking to all the relatives and smiling at the photographer. If our dad was normal like others we would have been the perfect family. No matter how much you hate some people, they are always in your heart more than the people whom you love. The only person who had more right to be there was absent physically.

With heavy heart me and mom said bye to Hazel. She was all weepy and sobbing. When we finally reached home in the dawn house felt empty. We already missed her. I picked the chilled beer from the fridge and sat going through the album of my memory in company of my solitude for the first time in my life.

Time flew, I became very busy with church work as I was president of the youth committee for our diocese. But I made sure I spend enough time with Joshna. With her demeanour I couldn’t miss her smiling sitting around my friends like her own. Due to some unknown reason Jason never made it to her friends list. Our usual hang-out group included me JOSH, Kevin, Dominic, and by default JOSHUA, the gooseberry

It was a month after my sisters marriage there I stood again watching Joshna walk the same aisle with her twin brother Joshua. Purple flowers I picked for her were standing proudly on her head which were perfect match to the white flowers bouquet she held in her hand. I hid my smile looking at Joshua who looked a ward boy in front of his beautiful sister. The closer she walked to the alter all I wanted to do was to drag her to the priest and say “I do, I will take care and love her till my death”. I never let any disturbing thought put into action. She looked at the crucifix and bowed her head in front of priest; the woman I loved looked like Gabriel to me.

There was small get together after the function. How I wished it was party after our marriage. She was very happy as if she tasted water from the never drying fountain of life. We danced, we laughed, and we talked. Again the gooseberry Joshua was there everywhere I went near his sister. Except his mere disturbing presence everything went fine. It was special day for me as well as I saw the satisfaction, joy reflection on Joshna’s eyes. Sunk in white with little bit of purple shade on her head, non-bargained smile the picture still stands on pedestal in my heart.

Some of her aunts noticed the electricity flowing between me and Joshna, and raised their well-shaped eyebrows at me. These married women I tell you, can smell love before it blossoms. I smiled at them and shrugged my shoulders never showing any emotions or feelings on my face. One of her aunt winked at me and said “soon-to-be-son-in-law” and my cheeks turned red. Joshua walked to me, looked straight in my eyes said “For her flowers you could have least given me a rose to put it on my blazer but one need to be born as girl to get flowers!!!”.

We became very close after her christening. I didn’t feel jealous when she started spending her time with my friends in my absence. I knew it by then no matter where she is, with whom she is, the special place is already occupied for me, call it confidence or over confidence.

                                                                                                       To Be Continued(without delay….)

LOVE That Has No End 6

Posted: November 10, 2015 in STORY
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There was no match between us, I was tall, thin had shoulder length hair like barbarian and long nose like parrot where as she was so beautiful like morning due. I have noticed how the heads turned when we walked on the street but that never bothered me.We used to spend time together but she was a passive partner. I used to talk to her, call her on phone and she would just listen. She was being nice or it was just her will I wondered.

When I realized her dad didn’t like me the air in my balloon was gone. Imagine you like the girl, dreaming about plaiting future with her and there is her dad standing like a villain, gun in hand in his khaki shorts. I still remember the incident when I was talking to her over the phone, he took the phone and blasted saying why are you calling my daughter late night. Since then I stopped calling her at night. Sometimes I wonder why I did that, to bandage my spoiled image?

We used to meet and talk, I mean I used to talk and she used to listen. I was having tough time at home. I had little inferior complex as she is good, her family was perfect and I came from broken family, she is gorgeous and me ugly. To make matter worse her dad didn’t like me, after listening to her how she could date guy whom her parents didn’t approve . There against all odds I still kept swimming in the flooded river with hope that someday I would reach my destination, when I would have convinced both father and daughter.

But there were few things I noticed regarding her special treatment towards me. She never spoke to any people in church but me, even though she had male friends she never conversed with them like she did with me. She made it clear once or twice that she isn’t interested in me that way. I knew she would be just friend but I was falling for her with my mind, body and soul. When you fall in love with somebody its not necessary even the other person should love you, I was a man believing those great words. To make the matters worse my feelings for her never changed, spending every minute with her in fact made me fall for her even harder than I anticipated.

I still remember the day when she compared me with Joshua her twin bro saying I am like her bro. How I wanted to kill myself, there I was dreaming about marrying her and here she was seeing her alive brother in me. Girls have unique knack to see their brother in every other man on earth.

I was a member of my church youth committee. As I loved travelling whenever I got chance to travel to different state, country my decision was made on the spot. Whatever little free time I got, I offered that little time at Joshna’s feet as if she was a goddess and I, her true worshiper. Being in final year of degree I made sure I watched every new released movie with Joshna. When we felt we have too many people around us we just walked miles. I just talked like always, and she just listened, may be some lucky day might come when she just talks and I just listen .When we felt words are not necessary spoke through our eyes. One look at her eyes and I could say what she is thinking. With her on my pillion seat, with her by my side on road, with her mere presence she made me experience true heaven on earth. I am sure according to her “We were just good buddies” and according to me “I was head over heels in love with her and soon would marry her”

I never asked her whether she loves me, I never even proposed her. My love was enough for us I thought. On other hand I was scared to lose her as a friend. Kevin many times raised his eyebrows saying “not going good bro, girls are complicated, talk to her, clear it out”. I just looked through the window where sun rays were kissing earth and earth like always welcomed it with open arms even though the rays were short lived.

                                                                                       To Be Continued(without delay….)

LOVE That Has No End 5

Posted: November 9, 2015 in STORY
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I rolled on the bed, that night, sleep was very mean to me. I was too excited to sleep. I called my friends Kevin and Jason to inform them that I found their sister-in-law. I repeated “Angel-Joshna-Visits-my-house” 4 times, answered all their questions without getting annoyed. When I finally drifted to sleep I was still thinking about Joshna, the killer who killed my heart with mere looks.

I was wondering how I could approach her without raising any eyebrows. I was just thinking when one evening mom said “Hey Alan, need to buy some groceries will you come with me, I have to…”

I said “aree mom, take your daughter along, I am busy”.

Mom picked the basket from the table and said “she is real busy unlike you. I had to go to Carmen place as well. First time I am going so thought you could help me to find her house. But that’s ok…”. Before she could finish there I was all dressed and combing my hair with my fingers. I picked the basket and said “Lets go mom”.

I prayed to Saint Anthony, I prayed to Mother Theresa, I prayed almost to all saints saying let Joshna open the door when we knock. With my heart beat so loudly in my mouth, butterflies flying high, I was nervous; slowly I pressedon Carmen’s call bell. When nobody answered the door I turned towards my mom and said “they are not home I guess mom.. ”, I was sad. “Press is properly Alan, whats wrong with you” my mom was inspectiong me. Before I could give a explanation to my mom, the oasis of my deserted life opened the door with broad smile and invited us in. There I sat drinking in her beauty while my mom and Carmen talked, non-stop. I self-introduced to her twin brother “Joshua” and her father Dileep. I sat there listening to ladies blabber with eyes on Joshna. When finally I couldn’t take it anymore I asked her to join me for walk if that’s ok with her parents. With permission of her father there we were walking on the lane. Me, Joshna, to spoil sweet company third gooseberry Joshua was walking between us. Kids were playing cricket on the lane and this girl encouraged the bowler. I smiled and walked beside the gooseberry. When the urge to push the gooseberry to nearby drain became unbearable I thrust my hands into my trousers pocket.

Kids called the gooseberry and I started to pray to god for a favor. My smile broadened when the gooseberry went to play. I took some time to adjust to the silence and said

Your mom says you want to be baptized. Don’t you think you should wait, you might fall in love with Hindu guy”.

She looked at me for a long time, more than I anticipated; may be even she is falling in love me I was tempted to think. “not in this life time. I want to be baptized because I want to be called Christian. May be my mom inspired me but whatever is the case I am determined and nothing can change, my mind. “

You are too young to say that..”

She laughed and those dimples were deep, I fell inside them. “I will be 18 this July, officially a adult.“

2 years difference I smiled to myself. As I felt the determination in her voice I gave up and walked by her side, not holding her hand, not talking but merely enjoying every single second with her.

To my surprise she started telling me about her past relationship. It was our casual meet after rosary-Sunday and here she was pouring her heart to me about her past. Even though I hated her boyfriend I was happy, I was happy because she started to open up that’s the first sign of trust. I smiled and looked at her, all I wanted was time and to be patient.

She was a good friend of this guy Malcom , when he proposed few years back she said yes without even thinking. But when he became more demanding about the do’s and don’t’s she gradually started to feel suffocating. Her father’s disapproval against him was one more reason she had to consider. To save herself from further suffering she broke up with him. After that she never dated any other guy. Walking beside her I swallowed my comments. I didn’t care about her past till her present is linked with me.

When the day ended I was sure she’s the one who is going to me my wife. With heart filled with joy when I started to walk back home with my mom I was truly happy for the first time in my life after my father’s sour episode.

I never counted my visits to her house thereafter. As they were newly shifted to that locality they found my presence very useful. The bond between me and Joshna started to deepen their roots.

                                                                                                           To Be Continued(without delay….)

LOVE That Has No End 4

Posted: November 8, 2015 in STORY
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That month rosary was in our house for our ward. Even though Carmen was from different ward mom invited Carmen and her family. Every time rosary was held in our house I cursed my fate which made me clean every corner of the house and my mom made sure I was her assistant calling me every now and then.

It was evening and I was dead tired to welcome the guests. So I sat on vacant chair like a faded hibiscus. I saw Carmen and gave one of my dry smile wondering whether she bought her Hindu daughter along. My mom called me “Alan babu anga yoo(come here)”. I stared at my mom, she knows best ways to embarrass me in front of anyone, without saying anything I walked to her. I said “hi” to Carmen and then was stoned to the floor. When I saw her the floor beneath my feet slipped and I felt I am flipping. The more I watched her the more I felt drowned. Those captivating beautiful eyes, graceful walk and that heart stilling smile and thick curly hair, wow. While I was wondering about the girl, the girl has been there in my mom’s and Carmen’s conversation. I smiled, it’s a good omen.

When she finally stood in front of me all I wanted was to see those eyes more closely. When Carmen introduced her daughter Joshna to me I was jiving with joy inside. The queen who was ruling my mind and heart, the angel who captivated my heart stood there on my door step looking at me with those innocent brown eyes. How I wanted to kiss Carmen for giving birth to such a beautiful girl. “Carmen you are going to be my MIL” I said to myself and smiled. Yeah I had decided then and there at the age of 20 that I am going to marry this gal. That killer smile on its place again she smiled and said hello politely. I watched, tried not to fall to hard but gave it up and fell head over heels love with her then and there at that precise moment on my doorstep.

I had no idea when the rosary started and when it ended. All I was aware was presence of this beautiful girl in my house, in the same freaking room. Every time I thought about it I was thrilled. With power of her smile even the black moon day turn into full moon day, I felt. Those dimples had the capacity to bold guys I could feel it. When everyone started to leave I cursed the time for the first time for being so fast. Carmen stood along with her beautiful daughter. How I wanted to stop her, to make her stay for some more time and continue the boring conversation with my mom. When my mom bid her farewell I was heartbroken. With the ruler of my heart leaving I felt like a cripple with my legs.

After everyone left my mom and sister were discussing about how the rosary went. Mom said “You know Carmen”, my ears got alert like rabbit, she continued “recently shifted to Bombay. Her husband is Hindu, got two kids, twins. One is that pretty face girl who came and other one is son. You know Hazel, they both want to be baptized.” My sister was listening without asking any question while my questions were piled up like old office records. Before I could ask some of my important questions my sister changed the topic. Women!!When they talk one topic, back of their mind next topic will be ready. I was living with two women still I couldn’t understand their whole women psychology.